California Maki

I'm officially an addict! Thanks to my Mom...

E Girls

Oh wow. Todo na! I spent my whole weekend in church!! With, guess what, my E girlfriends! =)

Friday, was with Kat-E and Lor-E. Saturday, E-girls complete in attendance! Although Kat-E came late. Sunday, wasn't with any of 'em...hehe. But still, I was in church. They were together in the evening. Didn't show up coz my lolo was brought to the hospital. Today, it's a Monday holiday and goodness, we're still together!!! =) And still in church huh! Hangout! Haha! Pero shempre, we had to have a gimmick naman.

I arrived at COP in 1985; Pastor Ben came earlier at around 1979. I got a text from him. He's looking for the E-girls who were supposed to work on a project: Children's Church Bulletin Board. Actually, si Kat lang talaga dapat...sinabit pa kami. Eh since solid daw ang E-girls, the 3 of us were there to help the AD-degreed Kat-E. Mapagmalaki ang lola...gusto yung design nya ang masusunod! Hehe. So there. Even before the mosquitoes at the basement could feast on me (I didn't even eat breakfast), Lor-E came in 1989. And so we made chika to death. Until we noticed it was already 2000 when Vick-E arrived. And at 2004, finally, Kat-E arrived. Of course, that was the only time we got started coz she had the "master plan". We starved ourself doing the bulletin board. It was almost 2pm when we remembered we were supposed to watch "Polar Express". And so we headed to Rob Place (after sneaking some biscuits from Children's Church...haha). Movie starts at 2:15. We only had 15 minutes to get our food. We decided to get pizza. We discovered we were really late for the movie when we got into the long line for tickets. And so, we got into our seats...hindi man lang kami flinashlaytan! The moment we settled our sorry butts on the theater seats, we started devouring the square pizza. In fairness, systematic pati pagkain namin. Iba na talaga pag mga leader din kasama mo. Haha! Poor pizza was finished in about 10 minutes. Hindi pinatawad...partida, cell phone lang gamit naming ilaw. You could imagine how annoying our supots sounded inside the theater. Not to mention our barbaric laughter with the idea of "lovelife" between the black girl and the leading boy. And our screaming during the scenes when the screen reminded us of EK rollercoaster rides. Good hard pure laugh!! Our seatmates at the back were already knocking on our seats. Haha! Aww..come on. Girls just wanna have fun. We deserve it. We work hard for Children's Church. We will work harder next week for Kingdom Olympics. Hehe. Tapos shempre feel na feel namin mag-hot chocolate right after the movie!

My E-girlfriends are superbly fun! They're good reasons to look forward to every weekend. And it's an overwhelming feeling to know that we have each other to nudge us when we're walking off track (yknow what I mean). Better, we all love serving Jesus! =)

Unscrambling Scrambled Eggs

It's just like spilling a cup of coffee. Life, unfortunately, doesn't come with a trusty "undo" button. Who knows exactly what the future holds anyway? Only The Super Supreme God (haha sounds like pizza!) does. And I've realized, because of our being clueless, we most of the time find ourselves in "trial-and-error" situations. Although I've lived to the principle of "When in doubt, don't", sometimes I still get myself into irreversible damages...that I have to bear with for as long as I live.

I think it would be much easier to carry on if only efforts were involved. Like for example, failing an exam. Even if you bleed your anal columns of Morgagni to death (yknow the feeling of trying to vent your regrets in every hole of your body?), you wouldn't take back what has come to pass. However, you "suck it all up", dust yourself off, try better next time and kick them asses who thought less of you during those moments. Much easier, right? Than if efforts were coupled with emotions. And I'm talking about when relationships are involved.

It's easy to get attached with people when you open your avenues. I don't find it hard getting along with people who share the same "frequency" as I have and are pleased to have me around. But once something gets in the way, then I have a problem. Sure, I can forgive uncalled for jokes (like somebody calling you a hoe or something to that effect), I can respect insistent opinions (you can insist all you want...for all I care) and I can forget about "laglagan" moments. But I can never assure a hundred percent return. Once I've proven that this person doesn't deserve a part of me and that he/she doesn't honor this piece of me, why would I bother share myself with that person? There are some other worthy people who will appreciate and value me and my wholeness.

I don't think this is in any way a form of regarding yourself highly. You just can't waste your time with people you aren't comfortable with anymore. Of course, I believe in second chances. If it weren't for this second...and third...and fourth...and so on and so forth...chance that God has given me each day, I would still be of no value up to this day. But if second chances aren't working however you have settled all your past issues, and if your eforts aren't taking you to any place better than you were before...then maybe it's just time to move on with your friggin' life eh? I hate the feeling of getting stuck with somebody you don't feel right with anymore...just coz you feel worthless when you're with that person.

It's better off cleaning up the mess and making another cup. Or perhaps crack another egg. Do yourself a favor. Move on.

Deprived of Time

Don't you ever feel like sometimes moments pass so swiftly like trying to grasp grains of sand? I've never known a "fast-paced lifestyle" since I got myself into med school. Back in college, everything was also fast-paced. But I never really felt how fast it was. Coz everything seemed to be normal still. Now, I've turned into one disoriented monster who most of the time is found clueless of what day or date it is. I've never done so few things in my life (aral-kain-aral-tulog) yet and still, I haven't had time for anything else that I'd want to do with my life. I could say I'd be preparing for the next day's exam (or maybe next week's) and it would feel like talking about something that would come into past in a few hours. Some people think it's exaggerated. I wish they've known better. Coz it really is a hyperbole for me. Most of the time, I see something interesting on TV but have to shrug off the allurement just coz compromising a few minutes of entertainment would prolong study time and therefore decrease your time for sleep (does this sound like a Physio problem?). And these few minutes would mean the whole world to you especially during these situations...

• your mom/roommate/housemate/whoever/whatever tries to wake you up so early in the morning and you plead for a few minutes more before getting up
• you rush your way up the stairs of your building so you could make it on time for your first class (and not miss the pre-test that the docs will be giving)...you'd wish the doctors come a few minutes later than you do
• you browse through your notes before a big exam and realize you haven't read a few more pages just as the proctor enters the room and tells everyone to keep their notes

I owe an email to 3 important people in my life who constantly left messages on my messenger to check on me. My cousin Michelle in Cali who I haven't seen for 3 years now and who needs my advice because she will be going to college next sem. My girl friend Nadj whom I've lost touched with since high school. My best friend Dave who's so eager to update me with his latest writings. *sigh* Sometimes, it's such a drag to even reply to a text message.

But what the heck am I even here? Mercy.

On Friends

Don't you find it ironic to be friends with the most unexpected people? I do. And I've actually found my best friends from people I initially didn't prefer being around with (but now wouldn't want to be separated from). Basing from experience, anything that came too easily also went away just as fast. What seems to be too good to be true is a hoax. Only the truest and the most genuine among the fakers/passers-by remain...for keeps.

Friday! Yey!!

Wow. Haven't been writing non-sense for quite a while already. Been having a great time studying. (Right...you can schmuck me down now.)

Pigging out. It's my Mom's birthday and I was trying hard to make her feel extra special today. Had to rush to the mall the other day to get her a present...and lie about having a special class to cover up for coming home late. Went to Dangwa this morning (really wanted to check out the place...it's not as nice as I expected it to be) to buy her flowers. Felt sorry for myself. I walked around not knowing exactly what to buy. What the heck do I know about flowers?! Or flower arrangement?! Gotta have a better plan next time. I was just so unprepared.

One Happy Week

That's just what I had.

To start off, I was able to see James ALL THROUGH THIS WEEK (for the record!). Hay, 'made my days...haha, babaw ko 'no?! Last week was not very toxic and I was able to read on my topics. I'm happy with my scores and I'm doing better next week! =) That's what gets me excited each day of my life--the fact that God can make me a better person everytime I wake up in the morning. And of course, Mr. and Ms. Med!!! Our sec won 1st place--both Joe and Manel! Wow, I'm so proud to be in a kick-ass sec!!! Haha! Ajeng, Tinz and Rey came to watch. Bonding!!! =) Si Keng lang ang kulang...

Ugh!

Still can't look at him with her.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes it's just not wise to trust people with your emotions. More often than not, I commit the same mistake over and over again. Sometimes, people just can't be happy when you're happy. Even people you consider friends. When you're happy, people say something to ruin your happiness. It's a distressing feeling that some people were not raised like you...or that they are basically not like you. I am lucky to have found friends who, with just a single breath, could read my mind and feel me.

*sigh* And I wish some kids were brought up better by their parents. Like, when they commit a mistake, they don't just stare at you and look silly. I am not being un-nice. Sometimes it pisses me off that just bcoz I put on a happy face, people don't take my word or even my feelings seriously. I am entitled to my own feelings. And if really I wasn't a very nice person, I would have probably kicked some sorry a*ses. Haha! I acknowledge redemption, really...

It Was Either Friendster or eBlogger

That's how bad my internet connection was for the past 2 days. And fortunately, both of 'em are working today.

Finally saw James last Friday. Last Friday was not really a very good day, I guess. It went pretty slow and I was lax all through the day. The moment I pre-empt myself, I begin to feel really tired. Being bored is stressful for me. I got home feeling really low. I slept right after eating dinner and woke up at past 9 in the evening with horrible cramps on both legs. I was screaming to death and my Mom was, of course, more hysterical than I was. Haha. It was so funny! She called Manang to push my feet with her. The cramps was pacified after about a minute...and it left me with a traumatized stare afterwards. Haha! I was leaping and could hardly walk afterwards. I didn't study. And I feel really bad about it. I wish I just did. So I won't have to cram.

So first week of second sem is down. I've just started fixing all my scheds and I'm looking at 2 quizzes & 2 topics to read for Monday. I'm calculating all the time I have to study for the weekend and I think I might be short. This weekend is important for Children's Church; first puppet production...ever. Just started last night. (Well, technically, a while ago.)

We weren't able to practice together, actually. And the first presentation sort of served like the general rehearsal for us. Hehe. I've expected errors but sure, we did good today. The audience was appreciative. God is just merciful. We need to polish things out for tomorrow. And I'm staying the whole day in church again...with my 3 best friends Vicky, Katy and Lorie. Oh, make that Vic-E, Kat-E, Lor-E and Jam-E. =) Haha, pauso eh 'no?! All four of us are actively involved in the ministry. All four of us are loveless but happy to the brim. All four of us do not have a liking for flowers. All four of us are crazy together! And I love 'em dearly! ;p~

My throat hurts.

Aren't You Happy?!

They say medical students are masochists. We often rant about sleep deprivation (I almost forgot how "sleep" feels like), stress (information overload!) and lack of social life. Can you blame us if, after a day of caffeine overdose and formalin intoxication, we refuse to move a bundle of muscle fibers or to even move our levator and depressor muscles, obicularis oris included, just to open our mouth and allow utterance of words (hence, the so-called "sedentary lifestyle")?? Haha! Ain't it odd to be stimulating your Dopaminergic Pathways and at the same time, being the source of annoyance of poor people reading your two cents worth?? Not only have I turned into a masochist monster, I am also a sadist who takes pleasure in generously sharing her misadventures in life. Que mal. Erin sent me this email entry and I thought, am I not happy to be living this kind of life? Some nights I compose text messages for my parents, just to thank them for bringing me to med school. For all their sacrifices for me. For taking extra effort in raising up a brat like me. I love my life (however imperfect it may be). I am privileged. And my Jesus made this all possible for me.

As I jumped off the building...

I saw the known loving couple in 10F is hitting each other.

I saw the usually tough and strong Peter in 9F is crying.

8F Ah Mei just found out her fiancee is sleeping with her best friend.

7F Dan is taking her daily anti-depression medicine.

6F Jobless Heng still buys 7 newspapers to search for a job everyday.

Much respected Mr.Wong in 5F is trying his wife's undergarment.

4F Rose again fighting with her boyfriend.

Old man in 3F everyday hoping someone would come by and pay him a visit.

2F Lily still staring at the picture of her lost husband since half years ago.

Before I jumped off from the building, I thought I was the most unlucky person.

Now I just realized everyone has their own problems and worries.

After I had seen all these, I found out, in fact I wasn't that bad at all.

The people I saw just now is looking at me now.

I think after they see me now, they might feel they are not that bad after all.

Eu-shrek-a!

I just found 500 bucks from one of the bags I haven't used for quite a long time already. Wow.

Annoyed Like PMSing

Annoying.
...slow dial-up internet connection (the comp must be annoyed with me too coz I keep on clicking this and that)
...someone bossing you around (ano 'ko, sekretarya?!)
...strangers in friendsters leaving their email addy's for you to add them (hellooo!!! kapal ha!! this is really rude)
...people who think it's cool to be a b*tch
...people who notices anything else but your pimple!!! (take note: singular)
...doctors who trash the topic by being totally boring! (I just survived a day with "mentally challenging" doctors/lecturers)
...second day of classes and still not a shadow of James around the hallways!!
...people who rant on their blog sites LIKE ME!!!

har har har.

Christian Contemporary Music

I believe CCM is considered a genre already. The very first CC song I've ever heard was Jars of Clay's "Worlds Apart" (can't you tell, it's my favorite song!?). And the first CC music video I've ever seen was Point of Grace's "Gather at the River". I'm listening to a Christian radio station on the net right at the 'mo. Jars' "Valley Song" is playing...I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy. It's sort of like the counterpart of another song "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" (the title speaks for the song itself). If you know or have heard of these songs, you'd probably get the point. =) The station has just played Mercy Me, Katinas, Point of Grace, (ooh wow!) Third Day (really diggin' the vocals)...really good artists. Heck, they even play PlusOne (I don't really like them...I have a "thing" for boy bands) and hey! Jim Brickman shouldn't be here!!! "Love of my Life" is not a song for Jesus!! Haha. I love CCM. Christian songs need not be "spooky". Worship need not be boring...not at all! Some people still have a problem with this. That Christian music should not sound secular. But I like what Limit X (they're an African reggae group) said about "worshipping God the best way you know how"--doesn't really matter whether it's breakdancing, rap, hard core metal, alternative, pop, ballad, blah blah blah! God looks at people's heart. I'm so glad He does. And I wouldn't have to worry about what other people would say about that. The best musicians/composers I've known are from this genre. I have this big dream of coming to a big worship crusade (stadium-type) and listening to great Christian bands.

Love Love Love Love!

What was the cheesiest thing you ever did for love? Eeeww. I find satisfaction in totally trashing this whole idea with my friend Vicky. I dunno why. I'm not a sentimental fool. I'm not romantic at all. I would probably ruin a "sweet moment" with no sweat. I am good at that. I still "grinch"(?) on the idea of a guy dumping you just bcoz you cannot bake cookies...

And just listening to my guy friends reveal their terms of endearment with their present's or used-to-be's just make me wanna puke. Babe, Baby, Hon, Honey...ugh, goose bumps!!!

Do you really turn into a mushy monster when you fall in love? Errr...

Reggae Rumbah!

Listening to 50 First Dates' OST. Wow. So love the tracks 'much as I love the flick! It opened my eyes (or should be ears?) to greater horizons in reggae music. Love it. Hold Me Now, Ghost in You, Friday, I'm in Love and Melt with You are like reggae-new wave combi. Diggin' the sounds, man! It's genius. *sigh* Henry Roth, where are you?!? Come, quick!!!

Phew. Finally finished my research assignment for Physio. I did it the whole day. I need to start reading my modules...psh, what an anal!