For Players/Junkies

I just read an article from the May ish of Chalk magazine and it’s entitled “My Boyfriend Used Me”. I really like what the author (Marj Akil) wrote and so here goes…

It takes a wise heart to spot the wrong guy. Men on the rebound will often hit at a girl’s vulnerability, then go off with an unfair score.

Every girl, at some point, learns a thing or two on how to lose and why they lost a guy. Above those, every girl must know that you don’t really lose someone you never really had.

When such “injustices” happen to women, sometimes I can’t help but think how jerk of a guy could get. I have this feministic side of me that just burst out when the thought comes into mind. I wish women were a lot wiser when it comes to emotions. Good term, “wise heart”. As they say, brain on top of the heart. But y’know, really, as in real life, when we apply this kind of philosophy, all the romantic jitters and tingles slowly fade away into the scene. Is there really a perfect formula on how to deal with all the BS like these? (Ooopps, sorry for the term!) The article also includes “Blocking a Rebound” and I found it funny that I could relate to most of the situations cited. =) These are possible symptoms on how to tell if a guy is for real or for reel.

He almost always brings up topics about his ex. Obviously, he’s reminiscing, and he has picked you as the perfect listener.

(Isn’t this totally mean?! After all the looong hours over the phone, it turns out that he doesn’t really care about your issues and he’s just after getting over his whole drama!)

If he’s passionately mad AT her, then he’s most likely still mad ABOUT her. As they say, the more you hate, the more you love.(Very true. Maybe the guy is sourgraping over some apples he failed to keep--?!?)

He still has a framed photo of them together, in his room, or he still keeps one in his wallet.(If the guy asks for your picture, don’t believe he really wants your picture unless he persists on asking you!! If he asks for it once, then he just probably blurted it and never really meant it.)

He addresses you the way he used to address his beloved ex.

He doesn’t introduce you to his crowd, because as far as they’re concerned, your boy is still into the last girl he introduced to them.(This was actually one of my greatest wonders. I remember Nena’s line in the one-act play “New Yorker in Tondo”. “What fun is it being engaged if you can’t tell everybody?!” True. How come you have to meet in secret? How come he only talks to you over the phone? How come he cares so much about what OTHER people might say about your relationship?)

He avoids serious talks about the “future” of your relationship. He says the two of you will get to that. Maybe yes—based on his time frame—if he has one.(I’ve actually heard this statement before…and that the guy needs to be in control of the relationship.)

He’s in a hurry to have a relationship with you. This may be misinterpreted as liking you too much, that he’ll jump in with no if’s and but’s. Yes, it’s quite unromantic and mechanical to bombard him with questions about his true intentions, but please do.(Translation—for me: The guy works over time to woo you and win you over. He texts you every hour, calls you every night and acts as if he really mattered to you and as if you really cared! Hahaha!!)

Here’s a quick tip: ask him why he wants to be with you. Someone who’s really into you would want to get to know you better, so he can proceed with the level of commitment. If his reply is vague (meaning, you’re not satisfied—and don’t be, easily), dig into it some more. It’s your right.(Yeah!! Who wants a dumb guy for a boyfriend anyway?! Let him talk and impress you with what he’s got up his sleeves!)

Check his relationship background. It’s scary if he jumps from one to another in less than a month, or even lesser. Chances are, a great relationship is not what he’s really after—just someone to hang around with when he’s feeling empty.(But it’s also unfair if you base your “research” only on the time frames of his relationship. Dig in deeper. Know the real scores and reasons. You’ll never really know when a guy is already ripe for commitment, eh?)