dzaymee

My Dirty Little Secret

2007-03-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

I was a naive 10-year-old when I learned to save up a portion of my baon so I could buy their casette tapes. Those were probably my very first prized possessions. I've listened to their songs over and over, and I could name the tune (I swear) with two notes. I've memorized every lyrics, every adlibs, and if I hadn't "grown up", I could still enumerate EVERY song in EVERY album IN ORDER (mind you!). I even remember writing a poem for each of their songs. I eagerly tuned in to every radio station every weekends to record their live performances. I squirmed to death as I listen to their new single being played on air for the first time. I rumbled and hit punches with my brother as we argued on who really ruled Pinoy rock music-dom.

Indeed, a fanatic. This phase in my life has undeniably influenced the standards I have now that I'm 23. I will never forget how I laughed and cried, and loved and hated. I must say that it still is a part of me and it's something I can't get rid off so easily. And if you ask me now, I'd still say "I wanna marry a rockstar!"

Today, my first love/biggest crush/infatuation/man of my dreams/the one I adore to infinity turns 32. Happy birthday Bamboo!!

Mary, Mary...Quite Contrary!

2007-02-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

The (Catholic) Church allows hormonal medications after rape to decrease the chance of pregnancy before fertilization has taken place but after conception, not anymore! - Abortion: A Matter of Rights, Ethics handout, author unknown

I am so sorry and it feels too odd to be learning Ethics without referring to God's Word (i.e. The Bible). If anyone wants to make the most of his life by really knowing what's right and wrong, let him study the Bible and learn that the wisdom of this crazy world is foolishness to God.

Let your yes be simply yes and your no be simply no; anything more than that comes from the evil one. - Matthew 5:37

Para Sa Lahat Ng Mga Taksi Drayber

2007-01-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: Hindi ako ang nagsulat nito. Yung alter ego ko.

Pagkatapos ng 30 minutos na paghihintay, nakasakay rin ako ng taksi.

"Manong, ma-trapik po ba ngayon?"

"Oo, ma-trapik kahit saan."

"Yun naman pala eh. Bakit namimili pa ng pasahero yung mga drayber?!"

Bahagyang tiningnan ako ng mamang drayber mula sa rear view mirror. Tumahimik na lang ako.

Maraming paliwanag/dahilan na ang narinig ko kung bakit namimili/kailangang mamili ng pasahero ang mga (bwisit na) taksi drayber. Kesyo paparada na sila. Kesyo lugi sila sa gasolina. At syempre pa, ang pinakamatinding b*llsh*t sa lahat ay ang pagdadahilan ng "trapik". Una, mali ang konteksto. Ang trapik ay tumutukoy sa daloy ng mga sasakyan--mabilis man o mabagal. Hindi naman (ata) ako sadista. Naiintindihan ko ang ilan sa mga dahilan ng mga taksi drayber. May katwiran din naman (siguro) sila. Pero kung iisipin ko kung gano ang hirap ng mga commuters para lang maisakay nila, sumasakit ang bangs ko. Kung ayaw nila ng mabagal na trapik, sana hindi na lang sila nag-drayber. Sana wag na lang nilang ilabas ang mga taksi nila kung hindi naman mapapakinabangan ng tao. Sana sa bahay na lang sila. Magpagulong-gulong sila sa binating itlog saka nila iprito ang mga sarili nila.

Happiness Is...

2007-01-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

1. Getting small stuffs for free...like a candle for a friend's birthday cake.

2. Watching Manilyn Reynes and Keempee De Leon get back together at "Shake, Rattle and Roll"...ugh...8? Geez...I've lost count.

3. Running a movie commentary with The E-gurls...and being noisy inside the theater. Haha!

4. Spending time with non-med friends.

5. Stuffing my mouth with thin, crisp potato chips. Yum!

6. Watching Project Runway re-runs.

7. Watching Project Runway and seeing my favorite designers win the challenge. (Santino Rice and Jeffrey Sebelia)

8. Sleeping for more than 8 hours. (bliss!!)

9. Drinking a cup of hot coffee while watching the Today show.

10. Watching random people as I walk my way home.

11. Reading about random people in their online social networks/blogs.

12. Recalling an inside joke you share with friends and laughing all by yourself.

13. Worshipping with my church friends.

14. Finding an argyle knit top worth half its original price. (yay!)

15. Finishing my eye make-up in 5 minutes.

We Smiled

2007-01-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

You turned to look
I fixed my gaze
With all the pains and guilts in between us
I hope they all melt away
Coz time has taught me how to forgive
To let bitterness slip my firm grip
To crush my pride into humility
I closed my doors, I closed my life
I wanted you out of sight
The more, in reality, I sheltered this emotion
Love--if the world may qualify it
Although my hopes keep on killing me
What would life be without it?
Let past be past
I rest the case. I set aside.
Coz now you smiled
I'm ready to smile back
Let both worlds be happy
Either together or apart

Stand in the Rain

2006-12-01T03:39:00.000+08:00

superchick, originally uploaded by more_gravy_pls.

Yes, more Superchic[K]! Heehee! I'm sorry but I'm really digging their music right now...

She never slows down, she doesn't know why
But she knows that when she's all alone
Feels like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears
If she cries the first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain, stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain, you won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound, alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down
The only way out

Move Over Havaianas!

2006-12-01T03:37:00.000+08:00

sugar, originally uploaded by more_gravy_pls.

I looove flip flops. I'd wear a pair anywhere if given a chance to do so.

My cousin Jess and I were walking down 6th ave when suddenly, the strap of my wedge sandals (I'm not sure if that's how it's called) just snapped off! I couldn't move because my feet were slipping off. For a moment, I wondered if New York City would think it's strange to walk bare foot around the strets. I begged my poor cousin to find a sandal for me anywhere around the corner. I stood there without moving a single foot. I looked really stupid. So I thought if I sat down the pavement, I would look less silly. I was wrong. I sat there and passers-by tried to walk a few inches farther from my circumference. I brought out my mobile phone and pretend to talk or call or whatever. I couldn't stand people mocking me for having broken sandals. I swear, those Sugar flip flops saved my day! (Haha, good advertisement eh?)

Sugar is waaay much better than Havaianas. Their foot soles have gel-like consistency. You'll love every step you make! I also like their smooth edges because it enhances broad feet (like mine) beautifully. They also have the coolest designs. So far, I have the Jamaican and the pink Sugar face on black. They are to die for. (exagg!!)

If you are into flip flops, Sugar is a priced gem to own.

Well, Hello! It's A Long Weekend!

2006-12-01T02:47:00.000+08:00

You have to understand. Class suspensions and holidays simply mean one thing to med students like me. Bliss, it is!! Oh yay! I am sincerely sorry about the demise of the provinces affected by the storm "Reming" (reminds me of someone) BUT I have to thank the heavens for giving us 4 days off from med school! *screaming* This week was just too awful to even talk about. It's as usual stressful, tiring, horrendous...what more adjective, I don't think they would perfectly fit the whole experience in REAL LIFE! (Med School horror stories is an altogether blog entry to write on, so moving on...) Now, I have more days to cope up with life and "life". With life, I mean sleeping, eating a nice hot lunch, watching Jamie Oliver's cooking shows on cable (oh, glory!), playing with my brother, making scrapbooks, playing games online, emailing my cousins, reading my Bible...basically, everything that a "normal" person has the luxury to enjoy. And with "life", I mean coping up with my piles of reading assignments, studying in advance, rewriting my notes, printing lectures...basically, everything that a med student has gotten used to doing.

And yeah, my urge to blab/blog still kicks in (especially when I'm cramming for my exams). So I decided...why not update?! Thanks to those who dropped by and acknowledged my very beautiful vintage layout (LMAO). Oh my gauze. That just sounded so wrong. Didn't that sound like some celebrity blog??

Well, I have actually been going through a lot of celeb blogs these days. Did I say I am hooked on Project Runway!? There you go. I AM HOOKED! So notice, I placed the blogsites of my favorite designers (from Season 2...the very colorful--and gay group) on my quick link coz I have so much fun reading about them. Watching skilled people rejuvinates my creative juices.

Oh btw, I am happier and prettier now than yesterday. Have a nice day y'all!

Superchic[K]

2006-11-06T20:10:00.000+08:00

Oh my gauze...Superchick is soopah! They're a Christian rock band with 6 very diverse personalities (almost all races represented) making great sounding music, EMPOWERING WOMEN (amen to that! *feminism*) and giving 101 lessons on "How Boys Become Men, Real Men"!!

BOWLING BALL

Maybe he'll change, maybe things'll get better
Maybe it would be nice, if he wouldn't always put you down
Maybe things'll work out, but maybe they'll never
And i think you've given him the benefit of the doubt

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

Maybe he'll change, if you could be better
But maybe it's not your fault, he's checking out the waitress now
But someday you'll change, one day you're stronger
And you will have changed enough that it's time to get out

I Wish Your Happiness is Worth My Misery

2006-11-05T21:15:00.000+08:00

WISHES (Superchick)

The saddest thing is you could be anything that you could want
We could've been everything, but now we're not
Now it's not anything at all
The hardest part was getting this close to you
and giving up this dream I built with you
A fairy tale that isn't coming true
You've got some growing up to do

I wish we could have worked it out
I wish I didn't have these doubts
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish I didn't know inside that it won't work out for you and I
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye

After all the things you put me through, tell me why I'm still in love with you
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you
And taking back the life I gave to you
Life goes on before and after you
I've got some growing up to do

Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye

I find it real hard to wish someone well especially if that person has hurt you, abandoned you without a word or simply stepped on your big, fat ego. I guess the whole issue ultimately winds up to one's willingness to forgive. You might forget but you've never really forgiven. And believe me, it will haunt you like a dead corpse in your closet. In my anger (and yes, bitterness), I so want to get back at people who take for granted my feelings after they have taken advantage of my weaknesses (one of them is being too nice...and too accommodating, which basically is an end to my inability to say "no" most of the time). Yes, I KNOW IT IS BAD and I won't get anything from revenge, but I thank my friends for still reminding me and knocking my head back to its senses. I've realized that EVEN IF people do me wrong, I should not demand a compensation just for the sake of my security (thanks Manel for that piece of wisdom!). For indeed, I can't change how people are (only God can do that) but I can change how I deal with these difficult people and this I would have to learn to do because it is an inevitable encounter in this sorry life. I am human enough not to steal other people's happiness just to redeem my bitterness. (For heaven's sake, I have the right to feel bitter because I am at the losing end. I can't help it, darn it!) Yes, that sounds stupid but that's just who I am. I believe that one will reap what he sows. And if I am so convinced that the person has wronged me, it shouldn't bother me what end he gets out of his means. Sometimes I think I might be creating my own monster/stumbling block/pitstop, and that it might be best to move on with life (that's the way to go, regardless). Right now, I need a lot of grace and understanding. I still want to look at people the way God sees me. Believe me, I'm trying.

Anyway, thank you Superchick for providing words to my thoughts! =)

Leche!

2006-10-31T00:32:00.000+08:00

Anak naman ng tipaklong, o! Ipagpapalit na lang ako, sa kauri ko pa!? Bat ganon? Parang nananadya. I swear, hindi ka magiging masaya!! *bitter na kung bitter*

The Emo Glasses

2006-08-17T00:14:00.000+08:00

In the morning, after watching Fall Out Boy’s live performance at CD USA (which they have actually replayed for the nth time…and I totally appreciate that, thank you.), I get up from bed and prepare to explore the rest of New York City. I sit quietly at one corner of the F train (praying that none of those big, scary, coal black guy sits next to me…or worse, a homeless person eager to put up a show—in expense of an Asian tourist), ears plugged and with Erich Segal’s book on hand (I borrowed Doctors from Grace, hoping I could finish reading it before I graduate from med school). I subtly move my eyeballs from side to side to check (of course, Manila-style) for pickpockets and most interestingly, to watch people—which, by the way, is my favorite hobby besides sleeping. So from my queer observation (from the time I ride the train at 169 Street) everytime I turn my head to the rushing New Yorkers coming in the sliding doors, I will never miss a chance to spot a person wearing those black thick-rimmed glasses. From old couples walking in from Forest Hills to yuppies coming to work at 42nd/5th Avenue and NYU students stopping by at West 4th! It almost seemed like New York City is home to the cult of emo glasses-wearing fanatics! For a moment, I wondered what the heck was wrong with these people. Why would you want a glass frame that’s simply a replica of anybody else’s?! Then I suddenly remembered (and how could I dare miss it?) this guy Patrick Stump whom I was watching on TV earlier that morning. Uh-huh, emo is it since Fall Out Boy for all I know. And all these people are emo wanna-be’s!!! For the heck of it, I stopped by Greenwich Village and searched through all the stores around NYU. I have previously tried on one of those emo glasses when my brother showed me around the place. (Greenwich Village is my league place. It has all the stores I love and all the people to love.) And so, determined to have one of those, I looked around each store trying to remember which exactly it was. After more or less an hour of going around the blocks (I had to be keen with my poor sense of direction, huhu!), I finally found the store that sells the glass frame that everybody loves! All the while, I thought those things actually make you ugly (who wants to look like a nerd?) but I have actually made a resolution this year to challenge all colors and all styles to look good on me. A way of reinventing myself and growing up from my usuals, you could say that. And if there is anyone on earth who deserves to wear the emo glasses, that person would have to be (guess who?) ME! *evil laughter* Why? Simply because I am Patrick Stump’s wife. =)

When I got back to Queens, I showed off the wonderful glasses to my brother. He was envious. I found a treasure. I realized that they actually “camouflage” my face so I wore them to change my image (release the schizo in me). I fondly wore them even when going to the nearby grocery to buy yoghurts for my handsome brother (ehurm!). A Spanish guy who was stacking the cereal boxes greeted me and asked if I was Chinese (in church, they call me “hongky”—as in taga-Hong Kong!).

Me: No, I am from the Philippines.
Spanish guy: Oh! I heard most of you can speak Spanish?
Me: Si, hablo Español pero un poco, amigo.

And then, adios. I had to cut short the conversation. My brother told me to never talk to strangers because apparently, everyone in that piece of land is a maniac. How ridiculous!

When I got back to my homeland, I had the biggest surprise when I find out that most Pinoys have actually adopted the black thick-rimmed glasses! I still see them in every person I turn to. It’s a haunting fad nowadays. Every nerd in med school wears them, so I find no point in wearing mine—coz after all, mine are fake glasses. Haha! But anyway, I am glad to realize that even a third world country like ours can take on the prestigious fashion of New York City—yes, even if they were just some stupid eye glasses (hah, emo wanna-be’s!). I am proud to be Pinoy. Watch out, New York. Someday, this country shall launch itself into the world and prove everybody that the Philippines is not just a group of islands so you move over, mockers and haters!

Woohoo!

2006-07-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

Today, I had love affair with my bed! I literally sore my eyeballs to death! I woke up late, ate brunch, realized there was nothing interesting to do, went back to bed, woke up with the cold breeze blowing through the curtains, heavy rain pouring, went back to sleep, woke up again with heavy rain, decided to go back to sleep, woke up to see manang looking at my groggy face, smiled at her, went back to sleep...it's a vicious cycle! And I looove every moment of it!

Hallelujah!

2006-07-24T19:31:00.000+08:00

This post was intended one day before its entry.

After so many years, we finally smiled at each other. :)
After so many months, chocolate croissant is finally back!
After so many weeks, I finally slept like a baby. (My mom had to wake me up because I was laughing in my sleep. Wow.)

This weekend has scanty highlights indeed. But it was definitely a happy one!

So What's The Announcement?

2006-07-14T02:47:00.000+08:00

Today was interesting.

Last night while reading through Pediatrics, I decided to take a nap with my ear plugged ("Music of the Night" by Michael Crawford...oh yes, I am crazy about the phantom!) and with my mobile in one hand. I set the alarm for an hour and 45 minutes, and was hoping I would wake up with that thing in my hand. Guess what? I didn't. It still surprises me how I CANNOT wake up with such annoying sound (alarm) and worse, the vibra. I am seriously awed with the fact that somehow, I developed tolerance for my phone alarm it never worked for me anymore.

So after oversleeping and waking up at midnight, I was starting to get frantic about not being able to finish all these piles of reading (you, medical student, must admit you get a lot of that too!), I confronted my phone to ask what the heck is wrong with it/him/her..."you didn't wake me up, silly! you're not being helpful...at all!" But wait a minute (ala AJ), I got a text message from somebody. It was Jun-jun. *evil grin* And even if HE was a bad news, he definitely brought a GOOD NEWS for all I care!! CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED!! (is there even a typhoon?)

So yeah, of course I woke up late this morning with a very big smile on my face! It IS July! Classes are starting to get suspended. I am psyched. I so needed a break from the crazy world of med school! The first weeks were horrible! I mean, I wasn't being really bad but I'm starting to get a habit. For some reasons, it works when I don't finish studying. But when I do, I get disappointed with results. Ironic. And, I must admit that I'm being very difficult to everybody the past weeks. I never took jokes in the morning. Breakfasts were always bland. I was grumpy and wasn't combing my hair. My head was contantly pounding. I was always looking forward to my bed. So I could sleep and not talk to people.

I was having the time of my life. Adobo and coffee for brunch? Couldn't ask for more. THIS IS LIFE FOR ME. And then, I started my Scrubs DVD marathon...started fxing my school files (all the handouts and samplex are crrrazy! and heavy too!)...finished a box of butterfinger stixx (6 sticks, 90 calories each)...ate too many reese's peanut butter cups (mmm...irresistable!!). I am so getting fat(ter)!

This day is over. Classes resume tomorrow.

The Weekend We All Have Been Waiting For

2006-07-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, while all the other med students were partying at "the happening" place in Makati, my friends and I were at the other side of the city having our very own definition of fun! Grace and Pat kidnapped me and made me eat this awfully delicious black seafood pasta from Spaghetti Factory. Hence, these scandalous pictures.

Anyway, guess who I bumped into online today? Blueeyedaave! Yes, The blueeyedaave I super missed! He told me about this cool web application called Google Earth. It zooms in areas from around the world! It's hecka scary cool! You just type in an address and it will show you a bird's eyeview of the specified location. Now that's really freaky.

Speaking of, somebody from the other side of the world is frustrated. I wish I was there to squeeze his little shoulders and just tell him "it's gonna be alright" (even though I know that it's just a cliche and it's not REALLY alright...haha!). I'm feeling him. Bad day. Bad tweep. Even so, I hope he knows I still love him...to pieces.

Up Late Update

2006-06-25T20:52:00.000+08:00

I know, this entry will not make you jump up and down. But I just had the urge to at least write something. After the looong "busy-busyhan" stage (coz right now, I really AM busy!), I'm putting something that's not at all worth the wait. So sorry fans.
......

So yeah, it's back to school. And as they (them sadists who love to see our noble sufferings), back to reality. The first few days were a bit disappointing for me. People donning their new v-neck uniforms, a classroom jampacked with 2 sections of sweaty students, a facilitator who excites us with promising leaves of absences (leaving us unprepared for advanced SGD's, too), a quiz that supposedly covered a myriad of chapters from the book (which I, the poor victim, helplessly studied the whooole freakin' night!) but ended up covering a lecture instead (which was given with the speed of Flash Elorde). Boon or bane? Whether this whole circus is good news or bad news, it's really all up to me. How do I take this insanity? Then that's what it is.
......

I wish everyday was Mothers' Day. Today, I just felt that my Mom deserves appreciation every single day. I am overwhelmed just remembering how she cried with me and how she buys all my corny jokes (even asks me to repeat them). I love her exclusively. To pieces! She worries of things I wasn't even aware of. She's my shock absorber. She is my mentor. She excites and bores me at the same time. Yet I couldn't resist waking up each morning and pining for the cup of coffee that she never failed to prepare for me. She probably is my best friend. I would choose her over my friends (of course) even if I think she is so the opposite of me. I came out of the best womb--my mom's. I will forever be grateful for this blessing.
......

If I were to die now, I would gladly donate ALL my organs (both internal and external)--except for my bones, maybe. When I was in my first year in Medicine, I looked at all the cadavers lying lifeless on the tables and realized that the body is nothing but useless. The physique is empty without its spirit. The spirit lives the life. The body is purely a vessel and nothing more. That's why I don't understand vanity. A pretty face and a gorgeous body serve no good if the spirit is rotten. Let my eyes be a blessing to a blind person. Let my liver, my spleen, my stomach, my pancreas, my skin, my intestines and all there is inside this bodily clay be a blessing. Because they house a spirit that is blessed. I am going to a better place in heaven, and I could not ask for more. Dispose me, for I am already whole. =)
......

It's just the start of the school year but I feel like I've had a pile of opportunities all laid out on my hands already! I believe in hard work and I believe in always going the second mile. Whether i sustain the expectations is not a matter of my humanly endurance, but God's presence made real in my life. So...let's bully!

Put'Ya Hands Together

2006-02-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

...the Roach Buster has come!

After 3 months of hibernation (state of leaving the realms of life, my definition of course), I'm finally back to biznez...I hope.

Jiro, I Will Miss You Forever

2005-11-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

With (what I could say) a "successful" CP Integ (well, at least it wasn't as horrible as I feared it would be) and a no-quiz day in med school, I never imagined I would end this day crying a river.

I will always remember how he sleeps through praise and worship. And worried he might fall from his mini-chair, I would carefully lay down the thin green mat for him to sleep on. I will remember how he behaves so well in our classes. Even if everybody else could care less about running around the room and leaving a stressed out teacher (points to myself), trying to win back their short span of attention, he would stay on his seat, look at me intently and try to listen still. I will treasure the moments I gladly signed his name on his crafts, as if they were the works of Michelangelo, drawing a star on his coloring sheet or putting a sticker on his chest--just enough to cheer up the little kid. I will always be fond of recalling the times I opened his snacks for him to start devouring on. I will, in all my life, be joyous to remember how his little lips pecked on my cheeks as he bid me goodbye. I've always dreamed that my kids, in one way or another, will be successful as they progress in life.

Today, an angel passed away. "My kid" just went to be with Jesus. And I, being lost for words, am broken. I've realized that even as life never gives fair chances to people who could not fight for themselves (as in the theory of Charles Darwin), it offers just about the same desolation to people who struggle to fight. Jiro, you lived 4 great years. For you touched mine.

On Friends and Sacrifices

2005-10-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

Today, I have realized that as I get older and in keeping the good friends I have now, I am subjected to make varying degrees of sacrifices for them. I must admit that they are actually difficult ones and although it isn't obviously given, I am expected to take these challenges as though I were leaving my comfort zone and walking on unfamiliar waters.

Things were easy when I was little--like sharing your baon or fighting side-by-side with a friend against a bully in school. I gladly did them for my friends. But now, things get a little tougher. And with every decision I choose to make, I must take responsibility and even go out of my way for my friends.

Still, I gladly sacrifice. Or offer what I have, for that matter. Because I know that with the quality of friends that I have, all this is so worth it.

Sembreak...Ho-hum's...

2005-10-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

I hate rainy days. It ruins the mood for everything. Except a good cup of coffee, of course--anytime for coffee.

OT: Last Tuesday (Oct.25), somebody dear celebrated his 2_th birthday. The moment I woke up, I sang the birthday song for him (out loud! haha!). Where is he?

Why I'd Love To Be Jean Grey

2005-10-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

(Hep! DOCTOR Jean Grey, mind you!)

I have just finished watching the first X-MEN movie on local tv. And can I just *scream* for a while!!! Okay, for the record, X-Men is the ONLY animation that I've grown to love since I was a kid (elementary). I have the fondest memories of it that still thrills up to this age. My classmates and I formed a group called, well of course "X-Men", and we would meet after class to play, well indeed "X-Men fight scenes/stunts". I had SOOO much fun with it! I could very well remember how I saved up for my very first (and actually, the only one I had) X-Men glossy comic book, brought it to class to show it off to my X-Men friends and got totally pissed off when my adviser confiscated it. (This is a confession:) I even tried to sneak in her desk to take my comic book back! (But to no avail, she has apparently kept it elsewhere.)

I so love X-Men. That is why, after I have seen X-Men 2, I was very much engrossed when I've finally watched the first X-Men tonight. First, because of my long desired character, Jean Grey. Second, because of *scream again* Hugh Jackman!! The 37-year-old actor unbelievably swept me off my feet! Why can't Jean Grey just end up with Logan and not with Scott?! Cyclops (Scott) is so girly...he's my definition of a "girly guy"--suplado, pikon, seloso, OA sa pagka-protective and for some reason, I hate it when he's told to close his eyes and his character just leaves him, well nonetheless closing his eyes! Wala man lang show of emotions!! While on the other hand, this Wolverine...suave guy, presko, lakas ng dating, MACHO, siga...pero sometimes, masyadong brusko. Parang man of steel. Dun lumalamang si Scott. Scott fills in the "softy" roles. (I love the scene when he runs over to Jean after she fainted in the Cerebro and while holding her in his arms, tried to wake her up "Please wake up" *aaaww*) Syempre di patatalo si Logan! He also had his kilig moment when he woke up while Dr.Jean was examining his wounds and told him that this kid Rogue probably liked him. Logan said, "Yeah? Well, tell her my heart belongs to someone else" and later on kissed Jean's hand. Heehee! Haba ng hair mo, Famke Janssen! (weird name too)

This exactly is the reason why it's so cool to be Jean Grey. Not only does she have an effortless super power (telekinesis...it's too easy to do her stunts, btw...just stand right in front of the villan and squint your eyes a bit), she also has the attention of two cuties!! Is that fair?! She's got it all--beauty, brains and BOYS! Haha!

Oh Lord, please let me be Jean Grey in my dreams tonight!

X's: I searched the net and found that Hugh Jackman actually played Gaston in some Beauty and the Beast theater presentation! *aaaww* Can't wait for X3!! Mark your calendars, fellow X-Men fans--MAY 2006!

Smile Like You Mean It

2005-10-08T07:31:00.000+08:00

Did I just miss The Killers feature at Channel V?! I JUST DID!! I slept on it!! ARGHHH!! (points to Sleep) You are a traitor! You never did me good! Traitor! Traitor!

Banas!

2005-10-08T07:04:00.000+08:00

I hate shy people.
I hate mediocrity.
I don't like to live my life with so many unaccomplished things.
that I should've done even if it pains my sorry ass.
just coz there are some things in life that are categorized under the term NEEDED.
(such as...memorizing ALL the prototype drugs in Pharmacology)
I am not happy about one-time achievements
or some fifteen-minute fame.
I honestly don't need it. (nax!)
coz they don't really matter as you go on in life
what people care about is how you sustain and carry on
that's what I'm trying to do
but at the moment,
I just hate what I am becoming ever since I entered med school
I hate people easily
just coz I am expected to be tough
and ravel through all broken glasses of disappointments with bare feet
and yes, I am being hard on myself
and I love it. (ngiiii!)
because I hate people who are being such a baby
and no way will I be one of 'em...pssh, (pissed sigh, i.e.) BABIES (for emphasis)
I abhor tigers who are actually kittens.
I hate the secular idea that when you're kind and gentle,
people think that you are a weakling. and deformed.
and they can disregard your feelings...just like that.
I have a problem on picking up my old broken pieces
and I would have to bleed on it for ages
and if ever I stop bleeding on it
I probably did not really stop bleeding
I was only desensitized.
I hate losing...
without a fight.
even if all I really had was a "fighting spirit"
and nothing else
I will still work it! (doin' the "gurlfriend" snap)
this is not a poem
and this goes out to no one
but if no one actually defines someone and even anyone
I don't care
I just needed something (this, not even close) to vent my pathetic emotions on
But because I am a Christian
and I don't want to disregard to what God has already done in my life
I will say sorry with sincerity and with all of my heart
I may resort to crying for now
but in time, I have better days ahead of me
because redemption never failed me...yet
I am a jar of clay
full of hot, tasty coffee. *smile*

Pictures!

2005-09-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

The sleek brown top jumped over the lazy med student. Last week, (thank heavens for med week) I totally slacked out from med school, shopped, and got a life! Hah, whatta breather!

Somebody loves and misses me...*wink wink*

I Know...

2005-09-25T20:52:00.000+08:00

I am partly unaware of this but yea, toxic is an overused word for med students. Actually, it has replaced most of the vocabs I know. I use it to rant after a very difficult exam ("Ang toxic!!!"), to mock somebody ("Ang toxic mo!!!"), to state my current state of being ("Musta?" "Toxic, pare!"), sometimes to express bliss ("Ahhh...toxic!!") and most oftenly, to excuse myself ("Next time na lang, toxic eh.").

I know for a fact that toxic has separated me from life...my family, friends, would-be friends, who-knows-who. Whether I admit this or not, I say toxic when I want to get rid of anything and everything, anyone and everyone apart from medicine. It's like toxic translates to go away. And sometimes, it would probably do me good to do so. When I'm hurting myself, I don't want people to get in the way and eventually hurt them as well. And I'm sorry, if there's really one person who totally understands this aside from God, it's my Mom. She loves me and doesn't demand anything in return. I am one big fat leech.

So when can my sanity sustain this toxicity? Grace of God, I say. Grace of God, that is.

Random Ramblings

2005-09-25T20:30:00.000+08:00

Geez! I can't believe I'm spending this much money for printing! It totally sucks that my printer broke down. Gone are the days of luxuriously printing neat, colored pages... Charging, what, 30 pesos (or even more) for every colored pages is waaay too much!! How can they get that much money from a dependent med student like me?!

The same thing for jeepney fares. How can they not give discounts to students on Saturdays and Sundays?! Why, some students come to school on weekends? And weekends don't change the fact that you're still a student!! What were they thinking?!

And also, can I just say na imbyerna ako sa mga lolang may Bad Attitude!!!

Tex-textan na lang...

2005-09-10T08:51:00.000+08:00

1 missed call...Safe.

Tol, bat ka tumawag?

Tol...busy ka ba? Nagkausap kami ng mama mo kanina kasi may pina-follow up ako. Uuwi ka na ba sa inyo? Balak kasi namin ni Mitch magpunta sa inyo. Ok lang ba?

Tol, sorry...pwede wag muna ngayon? Kasi wala pa 'kong tulog kaya tutulog sana ako ngayon. Chaka may exam pa ko tomorrow kaya magpupuyat na naman ako mamaya. Pasensya na ha, sungit mode din kasi ako ngayon...

Ok lang yun...o sya, sweet dreams tol! Wag na reply...

Tol, sorry talaga ha...bawi na lang ako sa inyo next time. Happy birthday...kala mo ha! Miss ko na kayo.

Hehe! Thank you ha. Ok lang yun tol. Basta next time, bonding tayo ha...siguro sa October. O sya, kain muna ako lunch ha. Kaw din. Muah!

*editted
Not that I don't have time. Actually, I do...not for everything I WANT, but for everything I NEED. If med school is not eating my time (or my life, for that matter!), free time would mean either two things (or maybe three): One, sleeping. Two, reading the skipped chapters you were supposed to study. And the other, reading the skipped chapters you were supposed to study while sleeping (yes, both at the same time!). I totally agree with Pat when she said that when you're in med school, you inherently possess some degree of ka-OC-OC-an. In one way or another, you try to meet the horrible expectations of you and try to manage your way through skimpy holes. Definitely not a joke. Aside from the great deal of investment that our parents are paying for our tuition, the time you sacrifice and hard work you exert, ego, pride and your whole persona are all still included.

I am sorry for the times I don't manage my time well. I am really missing all my other friends. I can't wait for October...wake me up when September ends! Hehe!

Septembah to Remembah!

2005-09-10T08:25:00.000+08:00

My friend Grace and I agreed that December is officially "The Love (c'mon, say it with me...luuurve!!!) Month". Simple reason. There are so many people celebrating their birthdays in September! (like half of the whole world's population?) Now, you can start counting 9 months backwards and find that these kids (say they were born in/at/on/whatever term, i.e.) were actually conceived in the cold, romantic month of December.

Most of these people are actually dear to my heart. Three of them are the dearest of them all (another one, actually...but I opt to keep my silence about this.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CELEBRANTS! :)

Let's Call It A Day, Okay!

2005-09-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

Now I better stop posting nonsense.

I am in an irky mode today or maybe these days. I am not PMSing. Wala, schizo attack lang siguro. Must be the rainy days, which I SO HATE by the way. (Nothing beats the scorching heat of the sun! Viva el Sol!) For some reason, any unsolicited thoughts/ideas go straight to my garbage bin and dang, I trash 'em real good! (or bad?) For this, I ask for forgiveness and understanding. I don't mean it...at least most of the time. Hehe! I count my Mom as one of my biggest blessings because she puts up with This Attitude every so often--most of the time, when I just woke up both in the morning or in the afternoon.

Actually, I was just annoyed...first, because our group in ethics was not able to present our supposedly ethics committee policies today. Okay lang sana...ang kaso, I guess the other groups did not understand that they were supposed to MAKE POLICIES OF THEIR OWN and not simply state the standards. Pagkahaba-haba ng mga diniscuss before us, pero wala dun yung hinahanap ni doctora! Dba kairita?! I have really nothing against my classmates but what irks me is the fact that our group stayed at the LRU for hours after class just to come up with this report...imbes na nakauwi at nakapag-aral or nakatulog na. And to think, that they probably didn't exerted that much effort on their respective assignments. Nanghihinayang talaga ako...time and energy. Or sana man lang, next time, the doctor should have facilitated the time well. If she knows that the discussion is irrelevant, then scrap it...impronto! Just to be fair for the other groups who also prepared for that day. Pero sabi nga ni Pat, at least tapos na naming gawin and nothing to worry anymore. This same Pat (hehe) also made the statement "Don't be too hard on yourself!" and managed her way to the Top 8 of DL. For that, I commend her humility...next to Warren Bacorro, of course. The Warren Bacorro (the humblest nerd--oops, baka magalit!--I've ever met in my entire life!). Hehe, sorry for dragging names!!!

Second reason for my irkiness, Friendster. Trash messages and/or friend requests. Why do people have to make imperative statements to add them into your list? YFC (yuck feeling close)!!! And why do people feel ego boosted if they have a second or a third or an Nth friendster account? If more than half of these supposedly "friends" are total strangers who make imperative statements to add them into your list?

Umutot Ka 'No?!

2005-09-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

When my Kuya James and I were growing up, we had a lot of fun with each other's (or maybe other's) flatulence/utot. I can still remember how we used to catch passed gas from our holes and then open our fist right at each other's noses! That was so much fun! LMAO!

Today, I have learned that the odor of hydrogen sulfide relased by enteric parasites (or maybe by normal microbial flora?) gives flatulence its characteristic aromatic (?) rotten egg smell. Ahhh...

So when we said, "Buksan ang mga bintana, amoy bulok na itlog!", it actually made sense!

Keeping My Sanity

2005-09-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Today, as I walked along 3 blocks of Espana Blvd. (nax, da name!), I saw 3 taong grasas (plural, okay!?).

And so I wondered, ganito na ba karami ang nasisiraan ng bait (if that's the politically correct term to use) ngayon?

I know, I probably haven't stared right through poverty with my very eyes...and I probably wouldn't feel the agony that these people may be going through in their lives. After all, one's feelings and emotions are his own. I'm sorry, but if you're the type of person who always seeks other people's empathy/sympathy/whatever chicken feather, you won't find a soul. People only share your joys and your pains. They do not, in any way, directly participate in their containment. This fact may be a blessing or a curse. But in whichever case, count it as a gift from God. Because through it, you exemplify the essence of being--welcome to life!

Okay, so poverty may not be the only reason. Maybe something else. Like what they say the thing that makes the world go round--Love. I was surprised to hear about some survey which claimed that most teenagers today worry about to whom they are going to be married with or whether they would marry at all. That is not the catch. The thing is, the majority ranked it as their #1 worry in life. Huwaaatt?! Since when did this stoopid idea exist?? Where was I existing? In my world, there is no tinge of "lovelife issue" (Will I meet my prospect boyfriend tomorrow? Or the day after? Or any BS like that...) or if there'd be any, only a speck of dust exists. Hellooo?! Has the youth today ever heard of the word "priority"? *snap, snap* Come on, think! You might have encountered this word somewhere! And so it wouldn't be a surprise then if you find 15-year-old moms who try to juggle their mispriorities in life. Goodness, they are everywhere! Showbiz, non-showbiz. Same lang. Ganun na ba kakamandag ang mga hormones ng mga kabataan ngayon?!

And so, if it isn't money or love or love or money, what else could take away one's sanity? Indeed, there is a myriad of reasons to be considered still. And, just like any of them, we are all susceptible victims of insanity--in one way or another. In my years of existence, I've realized that everyone goes through probably the same severity and gravity of struggles in life. But as my Pastor says, what makes a report good or bad is the way people respond to it. If I were an orange squeezed in a high-pressure situation, what will come out from me? Bitter juice or sweet juice? We are faced with this option ALL the time (believe me!). And as they say, happiness is a choice (although I have never really fully agreed with this statement).

One day, it might be you or me lying around the dirty pavement of the streets. Let's hope not.

Hohum...

2005-09-03T08:36:00.000+08:00

Found an "email predictor" website. It claimed...

muy_coffeenatico@yahoo.com, your email says that you are humble.

Huwat da?! Indeed, you find a lot of smelly, squishy, nasty crap over the net!

Like this stuff (you are reading).

Stained Glass Window

2005-08-22T16:51:00.000+08:00

you were standing there
behind the stained glass window
watching my steps
watching my moves
i couldn't help but freeze
with your cold, cold stare
blood flowing thru my arteries and veins
seemed to steady their motion
as time ticks and flies
my breath is taken away
maybe by you, but maybe not
i am simply blown and stunned
you are indeed watching me
like a master looking closely at his sordid craft
somehow, it feels like your hands molded me
to be strong enough to stand
in this pavement of strangers
but at the same time
to love enough and be weak
for i can no longer look back
with the same boldness you have taught me
and i can never have the force
to help me muster my courage
and step within the border
which you, or perhaps i
have built thru these years
ah, the stained glass window
has blinded the both of us
has kept us so far
and how many more years of
silence and stares shall kill me?
i never dared.

Panting

2005-08-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

Okay...the whole thing isn't perfect just yet but in case you, lurker, might be wondering...yes, I am still here.

Alert! Alert!

2005-07-10T00:27:00.000+08:00

Something new is brewing. Watch out for the new look...
SOON!

Thanks NAT!

Can I Just Say...?

2005-07-10T00:01:00.000+08:00

I had a horrible week.

On Monday, I had to buy my stock of yellow highlighters (couldn't study without 'em) even if it was raining cats and dogs! I walked about 5 blocks of Dapitan to get a ride (with a heavy book!)and to make things worse, my shoes were soaked. On Wednesday, I got itchy, bloodshot eyes caused by God knows what. I had to report in front of my subsec in Surgery with those monstrous eyes. On Thursday, I dozzed off while recording a tv show for my Dad. Sablay, man! My Dad would probably be watching an "excerpt" from the show. On Friday, my Med faci probably marked a very bad impression on me when I got a big fat zero in my quiz for coming late in class. I swear to never come to class late ever again! (Ugh...well at least on Fridays) I accidentally bumped my head into the wall while trying to impersonate a Bamboo impersonator (how stupid can I get?). I am so scared. Subdural hematoma...subdural hematoma...subdural hematoma...keeps ringing in my head. How would I come to class with contralateral hemiparesis? What about my dreams of becoming a kick-ass MD? Scarrry!! (Oh good Lord, please don't let any blood clot set in!) It's not all bad though. Tuedays and Thursday were pretty kind to me. (Because I only had half-day classes!) And on Friday, (dan-dan-nan-an) my fantastic friends and I got to see "Beauty and The Beast" at Meralco Theater! Good thing, we were dismissed an hour earlier in Pharma (after another traumatic quiz, that is...can ANS ever be simpler and less complicated than that?!) and so off to Ortigas we went with a breeze! No signs of chaos in Edsa. After about 30 minutes of travel and munching on my chicken burger, my BIGGIE iced tea and my (burp) frosty in the car, I almost felt like barfing my intestines out as soon as I stepped on the grounds of Meralco Theater! We were an hour early for the play and so we decided to check out the big fish (and I mean really big...scary big) at Meralco's pond. Oh, adn good thing, KC Concepcion played Belle that night. Beauty and the Beast is as magical as any Disney animations. The "Disney Princess Syndrome" is actually getting on me.

What About Today?

2005-07-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

Ang haba ng araw ko...sobrang saturated ako today.

To start off, late (na naman) ako for my first class. Hindi naman super late. I was still able to make it to my PE quizzes this morning. Yun nga lang, as soon as I stepped inside the room, the doctor was already reading the first question. Luckily, I didn't have to rubble and look for a seat...nakahanap kagad ako. Ang problema, nagte-tremor na kamay ko sa sobrang taranta! Parang lahat ng hawakan ko eh malagkit! (Interesting huh?) Naninigas na gastrocs ko, pati mga flexors ko sa forearm (syempre hate ko talaga ang muscles, OIA and stuff!). Pareho-pareho lang kami ng "tarantada experiences"...kaming NSLS (No Skipped Lunch Society...10am pa lang nagla-lunch na). I wouldn't have an idea kung ilang kawawang mortal ang nabangga ng bag ko sa kakamadali just to make it to class. So okay, breathe in, breathe out. I tried to answer every item. Pero I was really uncomfortable. Panu ba naman, I suddenly noticed na umikot na pala ang palda ko at halos nasa gitna na ng legs ko yung supposedly right bulsa. So okay na. I had to pass my paper without writing my fasci's name. Eh hindi ko kilala eh! Hehehe! Ang hirap naman kasi i-pronounce. So for better remembrance, we have to remember "salawal". Basta yun na yon. So there. As if we were not stimulated enough, our fasci came in and called us out to the charity wards! Goodness, sa totoong pasyente kami magfi-physical exam ng head and neck!! Syempre, na-rattle kami...para kaming solid particles na na-heat at tumalbog-talbog sa container...if you're getting the picture. Eh suplado yung pasyente. After 2 check-ups, ayaw na nya. Abala nga naman...pag-praktisan ka ba naman ng mga batang 'ire! Ang tagaaal ng pracs namin...and to our dismay, naputol pagdating sa 'kin. Next na lang kami magpa-pracs. So ayun, after mag-lunch, magkape at mag-library, PHARMACOLOGY na! Buti na lang, ayos si Dra.Gonzaga sa Prescription Writing. Ang funny ng discussion! At syempre, kinakarir talaga ang pagsa-sign ng name with the big letters M & D. I am not sure if our SGD went well (nakakagulo yung Therapeutic Index?)...pero the last few minutes were fun! And then we got a taste of the hellish quizzes that the department prepares. Right after class, I had to go to a short-noticed dinner at Danisse's place. Okay naman kasi June volunteered to be my hatid-sundo. Eh it turned out na ako lang pala ang babaeng nagpunta!! So pag uwi, puro lalaki mga kasama ko...kaya siguro ako pinayagan kagad. So anyway, pag uwi ko, I logged on and pretend to have a social life...on the Internet. And betchabygolly wow! Bat ganito itsura ng Friendster?! Ang pangit! Di ko type. Anu ba pinaggagagawa nila dito? Simula nung lagyan nila ng kung anek-anek na kulay yung pages nila, eye sore na sya para sa kin. At heto pa, I found my old kaaway waaay back in Elementary. Nako, 'tong girl na 'to (believe it or not) binu-bully ako noon! Sana magkita kami minsan, babatiin ko sya..."Remember me?" Yun lang. Hehehe, 'kala mo 'no?! May med mission kami bukas...nax! We had to cancel our dental appointments just for the call of service!

NAANTOK NA KO...

Ang Toxic Ko...

2005-07-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

Grabe, this is only my, what...*counting* 3rd week? in med school!! Sooobrang out of the circulation na ako sa bloglandia. And can I just borrow your words, Jolie? "Ang loser ng blog ko!" First of all, what can you expect? Wala akong social life, for heaven's sake!! What is there to blab about? Ang mga ka-toxic-an ko?! Andami kong thoughts...pero once nakwento ko na kay Grace at napagtawanan na namin, wala na. It almost feels like passing gas.

Hellooo!! Nag-summer vacation ba talaga ako?! Pero in fairness, andaming highlights ng summer ko...

I finally found V****** M******' friendster account! Now who is this VM guy I'm talking about? Sya lang naman yung crush ko nung college na muntikan ko nang makabanggaan sa hallway! Hehe. Sooper close talaga, kita ko na stubs nya sa face. Kaso, bad trip. Andaming girl friends. Nax, chickboy! Hehe. Tapos meron pa syang so-called "kuya image"! Yuckkk! Napaka-clingy naman these girls! Turn off!! And to my surprise, gusto rin nyang maging MD. Pero asan na sya ngayon?
At heto pa, yung "eyecandy" ko sa med..."cooking" daw is one of his hobbies! Chefff!!! Kaka-insecure! Ang masaklap pa dun, sya yung guy version that is SO NOT ME! Y'know...yung magaling sa kitchen, sa ingredients, sa baking...sa pagluluto. Hindi ko alam kung turn off 'to o turn on. After all, my Dad is a chef. But still, it doesn't feel right!! Eto, I'm still thinking that some guy dumped me just because I wasn't the "sweet thing" he was expecting. And come to think of it, ngayon I'm liking this guy who's too close to be defined as such! Ang ironic!! Is this good or bad?
Pero in fairness naman to me, I was able to cook my first chicken tinola last summer! At patok naman yung niluto ko dito sa bahay 'no!
Ang funny kasi ng Friendster...kung sinu-sinong mga tao ang nahahanap ko. Y'know, from elem classmates to guys na mahilig mag-refer sa sarili nila as "me". Ang sagwa talagang pakinggan, man!!

So, ano? Marami na ba yung 4 items? Hahaha! Kita mo na, Jolie...mas loser pa 'ata 'tong blog ko sa 'yo! If you want, we can make this a fad. *wink* Let's make the suckiest blog entries!! Down with the well-penned, super HTML sites! Mwahahaha!!

Interesting...

2005-06-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

Got this from my brother's Ripley's Believe-It-Or-Not book. Really amazing!

The charred remains of Dr. Bentley of Coudersport, Pennsylvania, baffled those who found him in his bathroom on december 5, 1966. There have been many reports of people bursting into flames (spontaneous human combustion), and it is a phenomenon for which there appears to be no logical explanation. Frequently, the body is found partly consumed in a sealed room that is filled with soot and greasy particles. A common feature is that only part ofth body is consumed and often combustible material nearby is completely unharmed. It was once believed that spontaneous combustion was a highly extreme reaction to drinking too mucn brandy or being too angry! What is most baffling is that even in a crematorium, where temperatures can reach up to 1,800 degrees Farenheit or 1,000 degrees Celsius, bones are not completely burned as they can be in cases of spontaneous combustion.

NYC!!!

2005-06-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

Take me back to New Yorkkk!!!

Sigh

2005-06-12T00:51:00.000+08:00

The country's facing yet another adversity. Sometimes it's sickening to even put up with all these politicians/troublemakers/demons, when I think of how we helpless Filipinos naively trust their flowery words and their honest-to-goodness images. Only to find out in the end that, alas, they're just another rotten tomato that we have randomly handpicked from the basket of the liars, the pretenders and the ambitious.

I hear some people say, "Kahit sino naman i-upo mo sa pwesto, corrupt pa rin". True, maybe. This, until now, is a very sad reality that I still find hard to digest in my systems. (Why can't everybody be just as kindhearted as I am?! Bwahahahaha!!) So, if that's the case, would we tolerate evil just like that?

Do I even have to pity our nation for its unfortunate fate? Who else would love this piece of land (sabi nga nila, dura lang ang Pinas sa mapa ng mundo)? I cannot help but be envious of countries with greener pasture. So this is why hope was left in Pandora's box (who the heck is Pandora?!). But really, is there hope for us? How can we find hope amidst a devastating situation? One word: Faith--the evidence of things unseen and the substance of things hoped for.

80's Kid! Represent!

2005-06-10T15:00:00.000+08:00

Yeah, yeah...*keeps nodding*

*kumakain ka ba ng aratilis?
*nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubblesna hihipanmo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?
*pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon atdi ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?*marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso,langit-lupa, teleber-teleber, luksong tinik?
*malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computeror nes?
*alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left,right, left, right, a, b, a, b, start?
*may mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London, CrossColors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakitaka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?
*addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my littlepony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos,he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi patranslated sa tagalog?
*nanonood ka ng shaider kasi nabobosohan mo siannie at type na type mo ang puting panty nya?
*inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at akala momagkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie at ate sienna...nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverlyhills 90210?
*meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka atmeron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?
*nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahiligka magpapirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mokung sino ang crush ng type mo?
*kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsitgirls?e si luning-ning at luging-ging?
*eto malupet... six digits lang ba ang phonenumber nyo dati?
*nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingkolang ang dala?
*cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat bulaga at alam moang song na "eh kasi bata"?
*inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasaglass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ngnanay mo sa ref?
*meron kang pencil case na maraming compartmentsna pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?
*alam mo ang kantang "gloria labandera".. lumusongsha sa tubig ang paa ay nabasa at ang "1, 2, 3,asawa ni marie"... hehehehehe?
*sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego... atnag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba paang mukha ni barbie noon?
*inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak atyung diyes na square?
*alam mo yung kwento ng pari na binigyan ng perayung batang umakyat ng puno para bumili ngpanty... and shempre, alam mo rin ba kung anobinigay nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno?

Veggie Tales Day @ COP

2005-06-09T01:14:00.000+08:00

veggie tales!
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Finally. After all the stressful weeks, I am back at Children's Church. I missed my kids sooo much.

Wow! Veggie Tales is a big revelation to me. You can tell I had a great time.

Subdural Hematoma

2005-06-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

lolo's stitches
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

80% of my summer vacation was spent at the hospital. My Lola was mastectomized while my Lolo was craniotomized. My Lolo's case demanded a lot more--financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually...in so many aspects. It meant more to me because I was there to take care of him.

Ugh! Neuroanatomy. His neurosurgeon is exceptionally commendable. But I hated his guts...and wits.

The whole experience was good exposure, actually. I've learned a lot about cherishing each moment and loving your profession. My Lolo's stubborn image changed incredibly--from a strong-willed old man to a helpless lolo wearing pull-up diapers.

I love medicine (keep saying for a thousand times...or until convinced). It allows me to love on people, even at their worst. I love my Lolo. I love him even more now.

Thank you for all the prayers. We never expected such fast recovery.

Tuleee!!

2005-06-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

tuli_masters
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

April 26. My first tuli mission with Sigma Tau Delta.

Dami ko realizations from this. First, na in fairness, magaling naman talaga ang mga taga-Fatima Med. Matter of fact, si Doc Don (hindi ko na daw sha makakalimutan nyan) from Fatima ang nagturo sa 'kin ng hands-on...from wearing the sterile surgical gloves, paglinis with Betadine, pag-inject ng anes, timing, pag-ipit sa prepuce, pag-gupit sa foreskin...pero si Osang nagturo sa 'kin magtahi at mag-skin test ng anes. Masarap magtahi, actually. Yun ang pinakagusto kong part. Pero hindi naturo sa 'kin yung pag-kalma ng kawawang bata.

Kung pre-school yan, kaya ng powers ko. Pero mga binatilyo 'tong mga 'to. Nahihiyawan sa "sakit". Palibhasa, nakikita nila yung katabi nilang bata, duguan ang hotdog. (sorry sa term) Yun ang second realization, mahirap din palang maging lalake. Or maybe, magpakalalake. As early as their adolescence, may ego nang kailangang i-boost.

I have learned so much from the experience. Sobrang enjoy. At the end of the day, nagsawa talaga ako sa dickettes. Buong araw ba naman!? Kaya para ma-release ang ka-toxic-an, nag-basketball kame. Ang saya-saya talaga. I had so much fun with STD kaya naman the following week, sumama uli kami ni Pat. I did 10 boys...10 poor boys.

Sana wag akong balikan pag tanda nila. Hehe.

Say What?!

2005-06-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

Nakakatamad mag-blog...

Ilang araw na lang, pasukan na uli.

Blog Fad

2005-06-01T21:37:00.000+08:00

Nawala lang ako ng 3 weeks sa Internet, aba'y may blogsite na ata lahat ng tao sa mundo! Parang mga kabuteng nagsulputan ang mga blog fanatics (yuck, the term!) ngayon ah. Kunsabagay, it's about time na mabawasan na ang mga cyberbobo sa Earth. Ya see, folks, I was once a cyberbobo also. Maybe I still am. Subtle na nga lang ngayon kasi "may blog na ako". Grabe, I'm still in disbelief actually. Does this mean na dumarami na rin ang mga taong self-absorbed?! In my random blog lurking, I read one guy asked, "Who would be interested about my daily affairs? Perhaps you could very well answer this inquiry". True. Siguro nga inherent na sa isang mortal, tulad mo at tulad ko, ang pagiging mausisa/mahilig sa chismis. Ya know, if you want to "confirm" if this guy is really dating that girl, it's easy to satisfy your "urge to know"--just click away...sa blog nila! This technology gives open opportunities for nosiness. When you bump into these random peoplena sinusubaybayan mo ang blog, it kinda feels weird too. So, ganito na nga ba talaga ka-bored ang mga tao ngayon? Kung hindi sila self-absorbed, maybe it's the other way around. Baka naman trip lang nila magpaka-autistic. Ya know, "to have a space of their own"--apart from this crazy, cruel and crooked world (parang ang pangit ng description, 'no?!). It's probably a way of escaping from reality and blurting out your thoughts without anybody tryiong to shut you out. And if somebody would dare leave a comment, you have an option to disregard whatever he says with just one click. Maybe...maybe this sort of freedom that vanishes right after you turn off your PC has some degree of appeal to many. I was thinking, I should have an answer for myself. What is this whole "online diary" all about? What's the deal with obliviously writing about day-to-day experiences? What is it about this blog fad that when you visit one person's (or some stranger's) blogsite and judge his/her life and/or personality (boring or not), a little tingle teases you to get your own fingers on the keyboard and start typing about the day's whatnots. It is even worth it putting up a blogsite, spending hours in front of the monitor and asking your friends to check out whatever stuff you have written there? Honestly? I don't know either. Whatever it is, boon or bane, guess I am indifferent. I probably have my own senseless reasons for doing it. Heehee. What could be yours?

Skeet Ulrich

2005-05-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

SkeetUlrich
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

I was watching "The Craft" at HBO the other night. I've watched this movie before but have completely forgotten about the whole story. Until the name Skeet Ulrich flashed on the screen! Skeeeet!! *screaming* This hottie totally reminds me of my teenage misadventures...

Back in high school,*turn sound effects on* while still on our uniform, my friends and I would hurry to Video City after our afternoon class and rent a movie/VHS. By the time we get into my place, we would start reheating the canned goods we purchased from a nearby sari-sari store (sausage, corned beef, etc.), get some cold rice, make some orange juice and prepare the table. We would chat the whole afternoon away, talk about our crushes and/or enemies and pick on random people on the phone. After we had enough, we would sit on the couch or on the floor and start watching the movie. I don't exactly recall but maybe, "The Craft" was one of those movies we've watched together after school.

While most girls went gaga over Devon Sawa, I had my eyes on Skeet Ulrich. For some years, he was my epitome of kagwapuhan. He personified what I thought was handsome--lanky, rugged, messy hair, goatee, piercing deep eyes, thin lips, and of course, the well-chiseled face! I could care less about his physical resemblance to older counterpart Johnny Deep. Skeet Ulrich was IT! Haha!

Until I met some guy who's not quite as Skeetish as I wanted...and fell in love. My whole teenage idealism crumbled into dust. Why would the one you love always be an "exception to the rule"? It always amazes me. And I have never really understood the reason for this.

Love The World

2005-05-01T18:13:00.000+08:00

The world smiles when I smile. How can it not frown when I frown? How can this whole damn world expect a big fat smile from me...at all times? Can I not savor a frown once in my life?

Espresso

2005-04-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

n. strong black coffee brewed by forcing steam under pressure through darkly roasted, powdered coffee beans.

After a heavy lunch, Dad and I decided to get us some cup of good coffee. We passed by McCafe at Glorietta and I suggested we try it out. When I approached the counter and asked for two cups of espresso, the waitress said, "Ma'am, black coffee po ito. Matapang po ito". Say what?! Are you kidding me? Tama bang maliitin ang coffee powers ko?! Do I look like some kid who doesn't know what espresso is?

On Moving On

2005-04-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

It's nice to bump into some jerk you met at the past, look at him check you out, flip your hair and then turn your back. Just like that. Redemption...yeah, baby!

How would you feel if he has found new love? Of course, be happy about his rediscovery of "life", so to speak. At least you know he's doing fine, and just happy, even without you. Right. Kaplastikan. Shempre iyakan na 'to! Bat nga ba ganun ang feeling? Is it the idea of him getting over such a wonderful person that you are (gaya ng sabi ni Grace, "being self-absorbed")? Is it insecurity because he has found someone that you're not? My id seems to retaliate: "Hindi ka magiging maligaya kasi may pinaiyak ka". My superego naman: "Hayaan mo na. You reap what you sow naman, dba?" Heck, parang ganun din yun dba? Nagpapakabait lang talaga itong si superego. Kaya etong ego ko, uhm...ano nga ba? Lagi ka na lang fulcrum. Kunsabagay, trabaho mo yan. Gudlak, 'ika nga. *wink*

Hmp, ano bang kadramahan ito? Pambihira, nasisira image ko dito eh! Suck it up!! Oo, mahirap yun alam ko. But y'know, if you have to be ugly yesterday and today (iyakan blues hanggang mamaga ang mga mata and all the face-saving that you do just to get rid of the feeling of hot flashes on your cheeks, makes you wanna pop out of the scene like a thin film of bubble) just to be beautiful tomorrow, MAGPAKAPANGIT KA NA 'NO! I'm sure it'll be worth it. I'm sure.

OK NA (milk and money)

2005-04-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

First time I heard of the band and this song. Actually made me smile.

Nagkita isang umaga sa Buendia
Agad nilapitan, kamustahan
Nagkangitian, naalala ang mga nakalipas
Sa iyong mga mata palang kitang-kita
May tinatago ka
Para bang gusto mo kong balikan
Pero hindi na, wag na lang
Kasi ako ngayon

OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, umiiyak sa 'yo
OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, umaasa sa 'yo

Nagpaalam, ako'y aalis na
Salamat sa munting kwentuhan
Kelan tayo magkikitang muli?
Sabi ko, hindi na, di na kailangan
Paalam na, o giliw ko
Ako'y lalayo na, lumigaya ka sana
Wag mong kalilimutan ito
Isang paalala para sa 'yo

OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, umiiyak sa 'yo
OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, nahihibang sa 'yo

OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, umiiyak sa 'yo
OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, umaasa sa 'yo
OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, natotorete sa 'yo
OK na ko ngayon
Di tulad ng dati, nahihibang sa 'yo

Di tulad ng dati...

Doctor, Doctor, I am Sick!

2005-04-24T21:11:00.000+08:00

I am not a doctor YET.

Do not judge my stupidities today as though they determine the kind of doctor that I'm going to be tomorrow.

M.D.-wannabe

2005-04-22T14:21:00.000+08:00

I appreciate the truth that is written in every article about med life such as this. And it's just too hard to ignore them.

MD . . .
by Myrna L. Sajo
I am an MD-to-be.
I live an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle composed merely of sleeping to four hours a night (that is if you get lucky), sitting for long hours in the library. My exercise regimen is changing classrooms, standing for an hour or two during bedside discussions, and carrying thick-paged and hard-bound medical books.
I am on the verge of caffeine addiction.
All my energy has been drained from me.
And the worst part is, I’m not just physically drained, I’m mentally and emotionally drained and socially stunted.
Is this the price I have to pay to be a doctor… to have that right to attach to my name those two most important letters in the alphabet, MD?

Being a med student is like being handed a free roundtrip ticket to hell. For me, at least, it feels like it.I’m not delusional. I’m not discouraging anybody to be a doctor. But, one must know and understand the realities—the truth that lies behind the typical life of a medical student.
Before I entered medical school, I already had this preconceived notion that it would be really difficult.
That was an understatement.

First year was devoted to studying the "normal". The greatest bulk of my time was spent smelling formalin in the Anatomy laboratory with the cadavers. Since my pre-med was not Physical Therapy, I really had a hard time memorizing the origin, insertion, and actions of muscles which the doctors lovingly tie during practical examinations. Hello! Of course I know the commencement, termination, and tributaries of pudendal vein, but where the heck is it? I could not find it. I bet, even if they give me the whole hour to look for that vein, I’ll never find it.

Biochemistry? You need a trillion neurons to accommodate the litany of information you have to store. You’ll need more than 36 ATP from glycolysis and Kreb’s cycle to pass that subject. And more importantly, gluconeogenesis should also take place in your brain, not limited in y our liver, because you’ll really need a large amount of glucose to feed your ischemic brain.
If you can live in Neuroanatomy, Histology, Anatomy, and Biochemistry memorizing without understanding,

Physiology is a different story. Physiology is understanding without the need of memorizing which unfortunately, was even harder for me.
Moving on from first year to second year was like transferring from the Sahara Desert to Siberia.
Everything we studied was abnormal.

We spent hours in Pathology looking under the microscope, helplessly racking every corner of our brains for the diagnosis of a small scraped tissue. How could you tell that the patient is having a heart failure, that she has cancer and that she only has five years to live just by examining a teeny-weeny bit of stained tissue, resembling more an abstract-surrealist painting which I can never appreciate?
The essence of being a doctor nowadays is to be able to give the patient a prescription (Right or wrong, most of the time it does not matter anymore. Patients get instantly healed when they get their prescriptions). And in our Pharmacology examinations, I usually don’t get the right drug for prescription writing. Well, except for Paracetamol, but what the heck, I always computed for the wrong dosage.
Internal Medicine tackled history and physical diagnosis. Here, you’ll get a first-hand experience of interviewing a real patient. It’s one small step closer to being a doctor. I remembered how nervous I was approaching my first patient. I didn’t know what to ask. My line of inquiry lacked coherence. I fumbled with the physical examination, wondering why I could not hear any heart sounds nor breath sounds, only to find out I wore my stethoscope the wrong way.
I’ve just finished third year and I’m barely alive.

Third year was a totally different story. I had completely lost the idealism I had when I entered med school. I am beginning to ask myself why I’m spending the prime years of my life almost a breath away from cadavers, half alive-half dead myself.
At 23, I should be earning already, and not be an immense burden to my parents.

I have a high-maintenance lifestyle.
My parents would spend close to a P150,000 a year only for my tuition.
I still had to ask my mom money for my books and daily allowance. And I know that this setup will continue another four years or so. As my highschool friends are starting to save their earnings and beginning to build families of their own, I’m hardly out of med school, probably still stuck reading Harrison’s Internal Medicine, cramming for a case presentation and helplessly being grilled by a consultant during bedside discussions.

Being a med student is nothing but SACRIFICE.
First and foremost, you have to give up sleep.
Sleep is the most precious gift any med student could ever receive.
It seems that sleep does not exist in the vocabulary of our teachers.
Sleep is taboo to medicine except when doctors advise it to their patients.
It’s totally ironic. Doctors know that human beings (medical students included) in order to function maximally the following day should at least get eight hours of sleep. Then why do they expect us to read everything, to pass all their difficult exams, actively participate in case discussions and to answer all their questions when you only get an average of four hours or less sleep per day? We’re not different from human beings who need to eat three times a day, who breathe the same air, and who need to rest. It’s not as if God had given us an extraordinary pineal gland and reticular system so that we have an extraordinary circadian rhythm and a long, long s tate of arousal. I just hope our doctors would understand that if a med student failed to read something, it’s not because he was lazy. He was probably tired and had gone to a dreamless slumber because he spent the previous night like a psycho studying for three exams.
I have sacrificed time for my family, for my friends, and for myself. My whole life right now is devoted to Harrison, to Schwartz, to Nelson, to Adams, to Smith, to Green, to Kaplan, all authors of my medical books. I mean if these are the surnames of all the guys I go out with, seven times a week, geez! I would die a happy and fulfilled woman!
Instead of accompanying my mom to the supermarket, I have to stay home because I have to study. My dad had already complained to me that I do not have time for him. My friends had stopped calling me because whenever they talked to me I either spoke in monosyllabic words, or they could not understand me because I spoke as if I drank tons of tequila. I talked like a drunk. Well, in fact, I was just in the middle of a dreamless sleep.

See? How can you choose this kind of lifestyle?
It’s not even a lucrative job anymore. You have to get rid of all the more experienced and old doctors to get even a handful of patients.
So, if you want to be a millionaire, don’t slave in the hospital because even if God had made one day 72 hours, instead of 24,or gave us 14 days instead of 7 in one week, you’re still way off your one million mark before the age of 30.
Of course, I have witnessed a lot of people giving up med school. But never have I heard, not even an anecdote, of a rich businessman giving up his entire career, just to study medicine.
Being a doctor is not something you have to decide overnight.
It’s not a result of your whim or a fulfillment of your parents’ dream.
Because if these would be your reasons, you’re entering the wrong profession.
Choosing to be a doctor means being committed to a lifelong journey of endless sacrifice.
You have to be sure that this is the life you want to live—that you love to live—not something you’d tire of halfway.
The ironic thing is I never wanted to be a doctor in the first place. I wanted to be a writer, a novelist, or even a journalist. I was just dragged by my mother to take up medicine but fortunately after seven years of schooling, I learned to love it. Of course I still have doubts that maybe I’m really not cut out to be a doctor, leading me to think if it’s really worth it. At this point, I don’t know anymore.
What inspires me to continue is that in the future, I know I’m going to save a man’s life.
And through it, I can honestly say to myself that I have made a differencein someone else’s life.
And I reckon, maybe that’s what being a doctor is all about.
It’s not working in some fancy hospital, earning big bucks from your patients, changing your cars quarterly from BMW to an Alfa Romeo to a Jaguar, nor travelling around the world magnanimously sponsored by some big drug companies. Neither is it the various letters attached at the end of your name.
Being a true doctor is not treating the patient as some hypothetical case from a medical textbook.

It is treating the patient as a human being, who possesses a heart that does not only pump blood but a heart that could feel, who doesn’t have a brain that is visualized only as black and white in an MRI or CT scan but has a mind that could reason, who is not merely composed of cells, of tissues, of organs, and of different systems but a human being who has a soul.
Being a doctor is being able to look at every patient’s eyes and seeing in their depths the hope that somehow you can make one father go home and enjoy dinner with his family, or you can make a grandmother attend her only grandchild’s piano recital, or you can send a mother to be with her daughter as she enters into the complicated life of adolescence or you can transform an infant’s cry to a frolicking laughter.
Being a doctor means being a part of an unimaginable greatness that you can only understand if you surrender yourself to years of rigorous training and incessant pursuit of medical knowledge.
During all my interviews in different med schools, they asked me why I wanted to be a doctor. I always answered that I wanted to help and save humanity.
I’m sure all my interviewers have heard that same line from countless fellow applicants.
But I don’t care because it’s the truth.
I don’t know how I can do it but I know eventually I will, in my own small way.
Medicine is neither for the weak-minded nor the weak-hearted.
My endurance has been tested.
My strength has been staunchly fortified.
Medicine has changed me completely.
I have sacrificed a great deal and most of the times, I may feel I’m not compensated. Most of the time, I would want to give up but I know deep in the core of my heart, I won’t.
For after careful reflection, I realized that being a doctor actually gives me a different kind of happiness, a different kind of self-fulfillment, which I can never find in any profession.

Volleyball

2005-04-05T12:05:00.000+08:00

I've been watching a lot of volleball games on cable lately. College volley, my favorite. And of course, I would be rooting for MY team UST. Hehe. Actually, the team is good enough to top all the other teams in the VLeague. (When will they ever air live games, anyway?) I'm loving Roxanne Pimentel, her running spikes and her towering height. Kate Coyukang contributes well with her varied styles of spike. Not only does she remind me of my good Chinese (haha) friend Kat-E, she always styles her hair where her powers probably come from. Haha! Sometimes I am pissed with De Leon (oopsie...) because she could make very crucial errors when the team is at pressure. Nonetheless, I salute her "setting powers" na rin. And of course, there's still a number of other players who make significant contributions to the team. The best game I've seen so far was that of UST against San Sebastian. Laborte and the rest wouldn't give up and so the game took 5 sets to finally be decided in favor of, well, UST!

The other night, I was watching an international volleyball tournament that was held in Cebu. It was Tonga vs. Indonesia. Tongans seem to all look like fellow Tongan Asi Taulava. Hehe. Y'know, the tigas mukha look. And of course, Indonesians looking like Pinoys is not new at all. I've actually seen guys play volley before and I say it's a bit different. It is as if the ball is weightless whenever they hit it with their strong, forceful hand (nax naman...). And how come they don't wear the skimpy shorts that the girls wear? Haha! It would be a sight to flaunt their vasti muscles and their hamstrings. They still, however, do the huddling girls do every after score. (What's up with that?)

I have very few memories of volleyball when we had it as one of our PE's. All I know is that I suck on it and my bestfriend Menggay is hell-a good on it. And let's not even talk about soccer...sucker!

Useless Ranting

2005-04-05T11:53:00.000+08:00

I woke up today with muscle cramps on my right arm and my right torso. Reason? I went shooting hoops yesterday at the arcade ALL BY MYSELF. I made 104 shots out of P50. Enough to entertain me.

Brotherhood Appreciated

2005-04-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

When I was down and out, the friend farthest in distance from me gave me the closest reassurance I badly needed.

There are some things that i didnt ask God for, but he freely gave it to me. how come he didnt give me what i asked for?

The measure of success is not what we are measured up to with acheivements in our life, but...how we will stand with God when all has passed away.

Sooner as you know it I would fall back into that depression again. But, I would continue to look onto the Lord. I wouldn't give up in crying out to Him. I know that the Lord hears me. I know that He loves me.

He guards our rear where we are most vulnerable, and He goes out before us where we cannot see, so that He may make the paths straight.

The Lord is always faithful to us. A lot of times when we had given up hope or when we least expect, the Lord comes through.

Reality sinks in because all this time that we begin to think that hope is lost and that the Lord will not hear us; the whole time He has been standing side by side with you.

As Jesus had compassion on those He walked with and at times His spirit grieved, so as with us when we are hurt. I believe as well His spirit greives and He mourns with us. I believe He has compassion on us and almost empathy for us. He mourns I believe because of our lack of faith and that we are hurt over the most simplest things. He mourns for us because of our lack of trust in Him.

You may not see it now but you will see it when your trial has ended. God is always with you Jamie. Keep Him close to you and He will lift you up. At times when the days are troubled, stand still and see that God is God.

i've realized there is no use crying over spilled milk. but i still can't believe how my human standards have failed me. i am still grateful that even with that fact, God sees me differently than how i look at myself. i couldn't imagine trading all the great blessings that God has already given me with the smallest things that i ask from him. i am trying to let my faith work at this moment and put in my heart that if God saw me through my hard times before, i'm sure He will lead me through over again.

Jars of Encouragement

2005-04-01T19:39:00.000+08:00

Jesus' blood never failed me yet.
This one thing I know, that He loves me so.

Summer...At Last!!

2005-03-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

My favorite time of the year! Love how the scorching heat of the sun warms my skin. Heehee.

I'm so happy. This is my first summer as a medical student. And I'm really feelin' it man!!! It's so summer!! So this is life without med...staying on the net till my eyeballs pop out of their orbits...waking the next day for lunch...eating a "serious lunch"...watching eat bulaga (mwahahaha!)...totally bumming out!

I was so happy yesterday. I went with my grannies to the hospital to have my Lola's stitches checked (she just had some pectoral operation...haha ano yun?!). Then I went to church and helped my Dad with the packing of the food for that day's feeding. Ang saya, nakakapag-ministry na uli ako...sagabal talaga pag-aaral. Afterwhich, we went out to eat and watch a movie. We watched "Hostage" starring Bruce Willis. Oh yes, he's a hot poppah! Pogiiii!!! *scream* Hahaha! At first, I was dragging myself to watch it because it was just suggested by my Dad. I wanted to watch my papa Vin Diesel's "The Pacifier" but he didn't wanna watch comedy. Nonetheless, I enjoyed "Hostage". It's a nice movie, actually. The suspense will bring you to the edges of your seats. The bulk of the movie happened overnight. I dunno if that's a good thing or not. But it surely is full of Bruce Willis and he's definitely an eyecandy (well, at least for me huh!). I am not very good at making film reviews but all-in-all, the movie is nice (I guess this term is a no-no for film reviews) EXCEPT THAT IT HAD TOO MUCH CUSS WORDS.

Okay, so since when did I have a liking for Bruce Willis? Since I saw him at TRL with the Rock last week. They were dared to stare at each other and whoever cuts it, loses. The two hunkies looked so cute. They were inching at each other's face and finally ended up pecking each other's cheeks. Haha! Cute talaga, aliw ako dun.

It's my Dad's birthday today so we went out to have some "family time". I treated my Mom and Dad to the Spa which they enjoyed very much. I did too. It's very relaxing. I dozzed off for a little. It feels so good. I badly wanted a break. During the last week of the exams, I was losing my motivation and my scores are all going down. I couldn't care less, all I wanted was to get over it and look forward to another school year in med. But of course, kinareer ang compre! My girls and I are dreaming of being exempted from the written revalida on our fourth year. I believe there's nothing impossible with God (pray pray pray) and with hard work. So there, we pigged out a while ago and I couldn't eat any more for dinner.

If you're looking for old movies, the local record stores are already selling original vcd's and even dvd's for very cheap prices. I just bought a Php 75.00 vcd of "Patch Adams" yesterday and I was able to watch it today. Ugh, it's so overwhelming! I wish every doctor or for that matter, medical students, would have the same drive as Mr. Adams (Bryan Adams? Hehe). The phrase "To serve humanity" has become so passe, it comes into one of your ears and goes out to the other. I wish it tarried a little longer into the brain cortices and form some sort of a glomerular tuft. Now this glomerular tuft could regenerate uncontrollably like tumor and eventually dominate your systems. I really wish it happens. Like "take the shape of my heart till I become a stranger to my life" of one of Jars of Clay's songs (The Eleventh Hour).

Also today, I sorta fixed some of my piles. I sorted which goes to the trash and which stays with the dust. Haha! I finally threw my Math (I think it was Geometry or maybe Biostat) and Chemistry notes from college. Ugh! I so hate numbers! So anything that has got to do with numbers, I despise. No worries because the feeling is mutual. It treats me as bad as I hate it. It is so non-empirical. I am very scientific. Hahaha! Right. And I don't get why among my 4 PrevMed subjects, I got the highest in Biostat. Anyways, I'd rather keep my Botany and Spanish notes. I luuurve these subjects! Botany because of Sir Dogma (the most angas prof you'll ever encounter...he's dead smart) and Spanish because of so many reasons. Even though I won't be needing any more back-up notes from these subjects for Medicine, I kept them for memories' sake. When I have more time, I will check out all my drawings in Botany (which I really worked hard on) and I will brush up on my Spanish. Yo soy, yo estoy, yo tengo. Hasus, que barbaridad!

So there goes my prequel for a more fun, fun summer!! Yeehaa!!

grace, pat, moi

2005-03-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

grace, pat, moi
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Mga first timers! Wahahaha!

This was probably one of the most unforgetabble nights I've had. We went to a party, drank till we drop, met some cute guys, danced the night away...NOT!! Hellooo?! Good girls 'tong mga 'to 'no!! Hehehe. (Although let's not skip the "cute guys" part...meron talaga! For me, for Grace and for Pat. Ayan ha, walang awayan!) Sayang...sana andun din si Charry Gayle. Hehe! Ang saya talaga. And what better way to end the night (errr...or start the day?) but with a good cup of coffee from, obkors...where else? Coffee bean! (advertising 'to para kay Chicco! hehe)

pat & moi

2005-03-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

pat & moi
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

bamboo

2005-03-22T21:02:00.000+08:00

bamboo
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Yesterday, March 21, Bamboo just turned 30. I knew that! *wink wink*

Itchy Poet

2005-03-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

BEAUTIFUL NOW

Say goodbye, say goodnight
Say farewell, till next time
Some people go, some people stay
Some people don't last for a lifetime
If love fails, and everything else does
It's hard to let go when time has left its marks
But just as time heals all wounds
So shall the heart forget its pain
Forgive, forget...as if that's all it takes
Years, centuries, decades...ages, I bet
Leave, move on, put a smile on your face
Let your soul raise the child in you
Let it grow and learn and live
For someday soon, it might love again
Be wiser and stronger...be more beautiful each day

Gusto Kong Maging Doktor Dahil...

2005-03-20T23:51:00.000+08:00

(Whoever wrote this article is a genius. I feel ya! This is so true...Here's a piece of me. And the rest of the medical students in this wonderful country.)

Lightning Crashes : Gusto Kong Maging Doktor Dahil

Contributed by roni_bats (Edited by blue_kuko)

Monday, February 14, 2005 @ 01:00:21 AM

"So, why do you want to be a doctor?" Pipilitin kong tumingin nang diretso sa mga mata ng nagtatanong sa akin. Ilalabas ang matagal ring pinagpraktisang ngiti. Kaunti lang. Sapat upang magbigay ng impresyong sigurado ako sa mga susunod kong salita.

"Because I want to make a difference in other people's lives." Syempre sigurado ako sa sagot ko. Galing sa isang pelikula iyan e! Hindi na mahalaga kung alin o kung sino ang nagsabi ng naturang linya. Ang punto, scripted ang bawat salita.

"Can you please elaborate?" Tuloy ang tatlumpung minuto ng pambobola. Ngayon, apat na taon mula nang malaman kong nakapasa ako sa UP Med, aaminin ko na: nagsinungaling ako nung interview. Sinabi ko ang mga salitang nasabi ko dahil kailangan silang sabihin. At dahil nakasandig ang paniniwala ng walang muwang na ako sa mga konsepto ng paglilingkod nang buong puso, pag-ibig na tunay at walang patid na kaligayahang nababasa ko sa nobela at napapanood sa pelikula. Ang totoo, napag-isip-isip ko, gusto kong maging doktor dahil gusto kong maging doktor. Wala nang iba pang rason. Pagkatapos ng apat na taong pagpupuyat, pagsasaulo, pag-eexam, pag- interview sa pasyente, pagta-type ng paper at pagsagot sa preceptor, ang tanging nagtutulak sa akin na magpuyat, magsaulo, mag-exam, mag-interview ng pasyente, mag-type ng paper, sumagot sa preceptor at kung ano man ang madadagdag pa sa natitirang tatlong taon ay ang kagustuhan kong maging Dr. Ronnie Enriquez Baticulon. Kung kailangan kong kumain ng apoy habang tumatawid sa tightrope na sintaas ng monumento ni Rizal sa Luneta pero walang net na sa sasalo sa akin sa ibaba, gagawin ko. Dahil gusto kong maging doktor.

Mababaw? Dalawang klase lang ang mga estudyante ng medisina. Kung hindi ka manhid, masokista ka. Pag-torture sa sarili ang pag-idlip ng isang oras gabi-gabi sa loob ng isang linggo. Kabaliwan ang pagbabasa ng lecture transcriptions sa halip na magpaputok sa Bagong Taon. Kalokohan ang pagpilit sa sariling bumangon nang maaga, kahit na makatulog muli sa lecture, basta't makapirma sa attendance sheet at makaiwas sa finals. Kasalanan bang hilingin na sana, ipinanganak ka na lang na floppy diskette o CD-RW para mas madaling mag-store at mag-delete ng impormasyon? Ang awa sa sarili ay kinakalimutan pagsuot ng puting uniporme. Kulang na lang ay ipulupot sa sariling leeg ang stethoscope na nakasabit sa balikat hanggang sa mangasul at tuluyang malagutan ng hininga.

Sa panahon ng ka-toxic-an, hinahalughog ang bawat sulok ng utak para masagot ang katanungang, "Bakit ko ba ito ginagawa sa sarili ko?" Hindi dahil mataas ang pangarap ng mga magulang ko para sa akin. Hindi dahil kailangan na ng mga kamag-anak ko ng gagamot sa kanila nang libre. Hindi dahil isang isang araw, narinig kong bumubulong ang Diyos sa aking tenga, "Dapat kang maging manggagamot ng Aking mga nilikha." Hindi dahil kulang na ang mga doktor sa Pilipinas sapagkat nurse na silang lahat. Hindi dahil kailangan ng mga naghihikahos na Pilipino ng magliligtas sa kanila mula sa mga kamay ng karamdaman at kamatayan. Hindi ko naiisip ang sasabihin ng Nanay at Tatay ko kapag umuwi akong sangkatutak ang bagsak na marka (Anak pa rin naman nila ako kahit ano'ng mangyari). Hindi ko naiisip na sana, nag-Nursing na lang ako para susuweldo na ako ng milyon sa isang taon. At mas lalong hindi ko naiisip si Aling Ebang na may sandosenang anak na may TB at may asawang walang maibigay sa kanya kundi sandosenang STD.

Ang laman lang ng isip ko ay, una, "Gusto ko nang matulog," at, pangalawa, "Engot ka pala, ginusto mong maging doktor e!" Kanya-kanya ang dahilan kung bakit nagdodoktor ang mga tao. Walang maling dahilan. Ang problema ay nag-uugat sa kawalan ng kasiguraduhan. Kaya may umiiyak. Kaya may nagku-quit. Kaya may nasisiraan ng bait. Nakakalimutang higit sa lahat ay ang kagustuhang maging doktor. Saka pa lang pumapasok ang iba pang rason, na bawat isa ay nakasandal sa una. Dahil sa buhay, ang pinakamatinong sagot ay ang pinakasimple. Madalas nga, sa sobrang simple e tatanungin mo ang iyong sarili, "Kailangan pa ba ng dahilan?"

Finally...

2005-03-20T23:48:00.000+08:00

I am officially done with my first year in med!!!

Jars of Experience

2005-03-06T01:58:00.000+08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/45359643@N00/5938785/
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

March 2, 2005 (Wednesday)

4:30 am
I woke up from a deep slumber. I am holding my Neuronatomy handout and my short-term memory worked instantly...ah, I was reviewing for this day's practical exam. I suddenly feel the chill of morning breeze against my skin. I can't believe I' sleeping through this. It is important that I get a good score for this practical exam since I got a really low grade on my Neuroana long quiz (That was one of the instances when you study hard for a subject and unfortunately, the items that come out on the exam aren't most of what you know). If I don't redeem myself today, I would have to work extra harder for my shifting exam. *sigh* I have to meet Charry and Myl at 8:30 this morning to talk about the Biochem presentation.

Phew! Jars of Clay is in town. And I'm watching them play tonight! Neuroana pracs...JARS OF CLAY...Meeting with Charry and Myl...JARS OF CLAY...Bioethics class...JARS OF CLAY...JARS OF CLAY...JARS OF CLAY...zzz...zzz...zzz...

8:45 am
I texted Charry and Myl to inform them that I can't come to the meeting, which I myself called for. Myl requested that we postpone as well. Somehow, I'm feeling guilty that Charry might have been waiting for the two of us to come. But on second thought, mabuti na rin yon para hindi sya late today. Hehe!

9:15 am
I am late for my Bioethics class. Father Manlangit (I've never addressed him that way, though) has already started his lecture on the Principle of Justice. For some reasons, whenever I attend his lectures, I feel every inch like a doctor already. Maybe because he doesn't deal with some academic stuff and listening to him doesn't feel like I'm some highschool kid staring at her teacher discuss this and that.

10:00 am
I turn to Charry and ask her what time will this class be over. My brain is probably hypoxic most of the time--especially when I fail to eat my breakfast, like today. I feel a lot of my acids are getting a little grumpier each minute that passes. And I could hardly concentrate at the lecture.

At some instances, Arnie distracts my attention by pertaining to some unethical stuffs to me--like abortion. Father Manlangit is now talking about abortion. He says he needs to finish everything in our syllabus since the next two weeks will be hell. (I'm talking about shifting exams week and finals week.)

"Siguro yan yung inisip mo nung nagpa-abort ka 'no?!" I could see he had some hesitations when he asked me that. I didn't mind. I am not at all defensive. Because I know in my mind that I will never commit such a crime. I am so into having a baby that even if the father of that baby abandons us, I don't mind keeping the baby. Every creature that God breathes on has a well-planned future. It is not an accident. God has purposed things to bring, in the end, greater glory unto His name. I just smiled back at Arnie. I could get back at him and kick his a*s anytime I wish. Hehe, joke lang!

11:00 am
Ah! Lunch time, finally.

11:55 am
I asked Charry to teach me Neuroana. We got ourselves coffee from the vendo and started reviewing our notes. Ah...coffee. My only consolation in med school.

2:00 pm
I am feeling a little grumpy. Why in the world did they change the division of the class?! In my hope to come home early to prepare for tonight's Jars of clay concert, I will be second to the last among the first row of students to take the pracs. And my goodness, we have to hold the brain specimens with our bare hands! How come nobody told us to bring surgical gloves?!

3:20 pm
I finally walk out of the Neuroana laboratory. All the people outside the room are naturally talking about the items that came out. I could care less, I looked around to look for my groupmates for tomorrow's Biochem presentation. I am feeling a little pressured. We have a gargantuan preparation to do. And I wasn't aware that it's actually a CONTEST--the best among the rest, among the rest, which is the best! As Jed would put it.

5:00 pm
I excused myself from the video editing team and rushed my way home. My dad is sure furious about me not coming home at expected time.

5:45 pm
I ran up my room to change clothes as soon as I got home. Good thing, I have prepared my clothes more than a month ago. I have folded them neatly and set them aside in my closet. That is how excited I am for this concert. When I went down to put on my shoes, my Lola started blabbing on me. She hated that I sleep late and that I was complaining of a blurry vision during the weekend. She probably thinks I'm still in high school. And let me just confirm that I am in medical school.

6:45 pm
Dad and I looked for a place to eat at Gateway. We bumped at Alex Compton (Magandang Umaga!) and it was too late when we recognized it was him. I finished my plate in a swift. Everything around me seems to be going fast forward. My excitement is building up in every heart beat. I could die after the concert tonight!

7:25 pm
Araneta Coliseum. People, mostly youth, wait outside the walkways as the band does some balancing. I asked the usher if I could come in and watch. He actually allowed me to do so. Hehe, utu-uto! All the others followed when I got in. Barbie's Cradle was at the stage. Hooyah! Kakoi's in the house!

8:00 pm
Phew, nice seats we got! Only I've got a sucky phonecam with no zoom in feature. I busied myself reading the Fish magazine which were on the seats. For sure, there are people watching the show who are only after Jars' music. The printed materials, in a way, speak of Jars' substance: 4:7 "...from God, and not from us".

8:15 pm
I can tell my Dad is getting a little bored. He doesn't like waiting. I went out and got him some BTIC dark choco almonds. On my way back to the coliseum, some familiar face stared at me with eyes wide opened.

"Jamie?!"
"Ate Anne!" Ate Anne is an old friend from highschool. We were both surprised to see each other after so many years. She introduced me to her husband and then we parted.

8:35 pm
The show is just about to start. Bo Sanchez (is he the organizer?), after introducing Jars of Clay to the crowd (as if this Grammy-winning band were unknown...well, at least for those who are present in the venue) called Pam G to sing the national anthem. Ate Pam, back in highschool. She's the astigin skinhead girl who sings as front act for Gary V. Mrs.SyCip would be proud to hear about her.

8:45 pm
Barbie's Cradle starts singing the Nescafe ad. Go Kakoi!! My Dad thinks Barbie is pretty and that she is talented. What about Kakoi, Dad?

9:30 pm
Finally, Jars of Clay!!! Woohoo!!! Dan Haseltine came out in plain green shirt, the very same color as the jacket that I'm wearing. Hehe! I couldn't contain my bliss. I am hypertensive, hyperventilated, tachycardiac and tachypnic! *lol* I closed my eyes and sang along with every song. I didn't miss clapping my hands or howling at the end of each song. And of course, I kept capturing each precious moment as much as I can with my cell phone. (My phone, unfortunately, doesn't capture too much! Heehee!) Most of the songs that the band played were from the first album, so far, the most familiar songs for me. I was hoping that they would play my favorite, "Worlds Apart". They did. And they even gave some trivia about the song--that it conveys the mercy of God and that it was the longest song they have ever written (6 months). No wonder it is my all-time favorite...because so much effort has been put into it. Dan sang the songs almost just as he sang them in the Furthermore Live CD, so I expected he would sing the "hallelujah" part in "Worlds Apart". He didn't. But nonetheless, it was still a very beautiful rendition. And Mr.Haseltine never failed to amuse me with his God-given talents in singing and songwriting (most especially), as well as his throbbing passion for God. I watch him express each word in every song and the whole event actually feels like a big worship concert already. I love how everybody sounded. (My Dad and I appreciate even Steve's constant back-up wailing!) Dan's voice is even better in live performance.

In the middle of the concert, Dan asked some guy from the audience to sing "Unforgetful You". He pretended to have forgotten the lyrics and asked him, with his girlfriend, to sing the song up the stage. It was a sucky performance but everybody actually had so much fun singing along with them! At the end of the song, the guy proposed marriage to his girl. What a way to do it! I'D ALSO WISH TO ACCEPT A WEDDING PROPOSAL AT A JARS OF CLAY CONCERT! Wow ha, big time! It is not the idea of proposing before a huge crowd that enthuses me, but the very thought of doing it at my favorite band's concert overwhelms me! Wow talaga.

I lost count already but I am sure that they played more than 15 songs. Some of which are not my big favorites. But heck, I just close my eyes and savor each moment...after all, Dan Haseltine is singing live. And it's worth more than a million just to listen to my most favorite lead singer in the whole world! Sobrang sulit. And I wouldn't mind depriving myself of a luxurious lunch or even starving myself to death just to save up for another ticket if ever they play again next month! Kahit pa may exam kinabukasan, queber! Even if it would mean studying my handouts while waiting in line or even flunking the test! Hehe. I could be a Jars of Clay groupie already!

"Tea and Sympathy" was the band's goodbye song. It was a sad but very memorable ending. Everybody had their phones up while singing. *sigh* Jars, when are you ever come again to our shores??

10:45 pm
I gave my Dad a coffee treat after the concert. We concluded that we had so much great time tonight. I swear, this day will always bring the fondest memories in my whole lifetime! What can I say? I SO LOVE JARS OF CLAY!

My Simple Joys in Life

2005-02-25T12:44:00.000+08:00

...eating a hearty adobo cooked by my Dad, with eggs and potatoes--the works! Haha!
...collecting concert tickets and actually reliving each event over and over
...eating with your friends, babbling forever and realizing that time and distance failed to keep you apart
...playing an old casette tape of your favorite band
...eating California maki with mayo for breakfast (pambihira, puro eating ah!)
...finding my slippers that mysteriously got lost for a week and was found under the fridge!

I am just so happy they found it again. I was really upset. I am so attached with this slippers. I went trekking at Mt. Makiling in Laguna wearing only these. *rubbing my toes against my slippers* Haha!

Jars of Excitement

2005-02-25T12:12:00.000+08:00

Next week is dead toxic--case discussions, long exams, practical exams, presentations. But not a single thought of these toxicants move me. I am coming to the Jars of Clay concert. And even the mere utterance of these words is enough to stimulate my sympathetic autonomic nervous system...causing my pupils to dilate, my salivary glands to reduce secretion, bronchodilation, reduced peristalsis, increased glycogenesis, decreased urine output, and increased secretion of my catecholamines. Hehe kainis.

The article I just posted came from some girl with exactly the same two cents worth as I have...and I don't even know her personally. I unbelievably think it's amazing to find such person who speaks of these words even before they have left your thoughts. I am overwhelmed of how God is making use of Jars of Clay. They stand for their name. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7) And further, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body". (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)

Can't wait to see Dan Haseltine and the rest of the band...and I can't believe he's already married!!

One of my Dreams is Coming True (Or Why I Love Jars of Clay So Much)

2005-02-25T12:07:00.000+08:00

Written by Ida Torres

Right now, I'm holding in my hands the solid proof that one of my lifelong dreams is coming true. Yes, I am now certifiably going to the Jars of Clay concert on March 2.

"Ang babaw mo naman! One of your dreams is to watch a concert?" That's what you might be thinking. But you have no idea how long i (and countless other fans) waited for these guys to come to our shores. You have no idea how these guys have profoundly affected the musical and spiritual aspects of my life.

Let me take you back a few years ago, when I was just a baby Christian. My concept of Christian music at that time was still Don Moen and the like. Although they were inspirational naman talaga, I kinda thought they were too old fashioned and not up to date with the times. And at that time I was fizzling out of my bubblegum pop phase (yes, unfortunately, I went through that) and starting to appreciate the pop rock and alternative genre. One day at the UPCCC tambayan, some of the boys were plucking a guitar and singing this really cool song that went "They say (and the 2nd voice goes say....) that I can move the mountain". And I asked "Wow, new band?". And of course the answer was this really cool Christian band called Jars of Clay (the song, if you still don't know is Faith Like a Child). I didn't know that Christian bands could sound that cool and still have a message that can either squeeze your heart or inspire you to high heavens (pun intended). And so begins my love affair with contemporary Christian music. And particularly my relationship with Jars of Clay.

Yes, I believe we have a relationship. They write songs for people just like me; people who have been through abuse (He from the self-titled debut album); people who are scared and broken out of their minds (Much Afraid from Much Afraid); people who are addicted to grace (Grace from If I Left the Zoo); people who are screaming for change (Revolution from The Eleventh Hour); people who just love to, ah, sing (Sing from Who We Are Instead).

Anyways, I think I memorized every single word from their self-titled debut album. It wasn't really that hard naman, (except for the words that were being chanted by the Gregorians in the intro of Liquid) coz it was really listener friendly. And it helped that almost everyone in the tambayan were so into the band that we practically sang the whole album almost everyday.
And when a year later I started a band with some of my friends, the very first cover songs we did were of course Jars of Clay songs like Faith Like a Child, Worlds Apart and Love Song for a Savior. And even up to the present days, we still sing those songs which are now considered "classics". Sometimes, just close your eyes and listen to our guitarist John's voice and you will hear a tinge of Dan Haseltine's voice in his.

And even when some people were saying that they didn't like the 2nd album (or the 3rd, 4th or 5th), I was just so incredulous. I mean, with every new album, I love them all the more! They could've just stuck to the formula that made their first album such a success if they really just wanted to make money. But they experimented with new sounds, new words, new styles with every new album. Much Afraid was the introspective album. If I Left the Zoo was the fun, Beatle-esque one. The Eleventh Hour was a return-to-the-early-elements-but-with-an edgier-sound album. And Who We Are Instead is the folk-acoustic laced with just a bit of pop one. I have never been bored listening to any one of their albums because of this variety.

But most of all, I love this band's heart for the ministry. For the National Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Christians, they made a song entitled This Road and they traveled to countries that are affected by persecution to try and understand and help in any way they can. They have also founded the Blood:Water Mission because they were compelled to help out 3rd world countries. Their first project is to rebuild and repair 1000 wells in urban and rural areas in sub-Saharan Africa. They just don't sing about God's love; they try and spread it around practically
As of this writing, I have less than two weeks until that night when I'll finally be able to listen to their music live. And from where I will be sitting, I think I'll have a pretty good view of them too (they're all married and taken by the way. Haha). So, have I told you how excited I am???

gayuma night

2005-02-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

gayuma night
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

February 4, 2005.

This picture pretty much sums up the whole night. After a night of studying for one of those dreaded Anatomy practical exams and actually flunking it anyway (I was emotionally disturbed that night because my cousin and my tita were leaving for the States the next day), we wrapped up our lab gowns, changed clothes and headed to UP Diliman. Right, Thomasians on a UP trip--thanks to Pat and Grace. They toured us around their alma mater and for a moment, I breathed in fresh air...away from the smoky portals of my dear UST (Viva Espana!). The highlight of the trip, however, was my first taste of isaw (translation: chicken intestines). Finally, after 21 years of existence. It wasn't as gorry as I expected it to be. I actually thought it'd be good to eat it with rice. I was surprised at first when I heard people calling out their orders. They could eat at least 5 sticks! It didn't cost much though and according to the former UPuans (how do you call them anyway? Iskolars?)Pat and Grace, that's the way to eat it. I loved the vinegar sauce...I even drank some of it.

After the hearty appetizer, touring 'round the University and meeting my friends' friends, we went to Gayuma for dinner. It was a nice place. Great concept for a resto. I love their "mat place", where we ate in an Indian sitting position. (What the heck am I talking about?) We passed around our plates and basically ate each other's food. And of course, an hour wouldn't be complete without somebody walking up the resto and greeting Grace! Sure that was her territory.

After the main dish, we got slices of cake and pigged out! Sugar rush got into us so quickly and before we knew it, we were doing some scandalous videos/pictures/whatnots in the place. Sabog!

We decided to leave as Llew starts dozzing off and we didn't want to leave him with the dishes. Hehe!

What a night.

gayuma

2005-02-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

gayuma
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Twas a night to remember...(front L-R) Hannie, Me, Llew, Belen (back L-R) Grace and Pat.

Jars of Clay: Show You Love

2005-02-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

jars of clay
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Dan Haseltine, here I come!! Hehe. I've purchased my tickets already and I'm so happy I was able to get good seats. I can't wait for March 2!! And I'm eating Taco Bell on March 2 also!! *dreamy mode* Oh God, who am I to deserve this favor?! I promise to study well until that big day comes!! Todo!!

BTW, this is a pretty interesting site if you're also anticipating JOC's concert just as I am! http://jarsofclayshowyoulove.blogspot.com/

Toxicity

2005-02-19T08:08:00.000+08:00

(Taken from "Terms of the Environment" http://www.epa.gov/OCEPAterms/tterms.html)

Definition: The degree to which a substance or mixture of substances can harm humans or animals. Acute toxicity involves harmful effects in an organism through a single or short-term exposure. Chronic toxicity is the ability of a substance or mixture of substances to cause harmful effects over an extended period, usually upon repeated or continuous exposure sometimes lasting for the entire life of the exposed organism. Subchronic toxicity is the ability of the substance to cause effects for more than one year but less than the lifetime of the exposed organism.

Toxicant: A harmful substance or agent that may injure an exposed organism.

So, which stage am I in?

Nenok

2005-02-19T07:52:00.000+08:00

To steal something that obviously doesn't belong to you.
To claim something and believe firmly that it was purposely meant to fall into your greedy hands.
To maniacally crave for something that isn't yours.
To succumb to a mystical "voice" calling your name over and over, and is coming from an object of desire.
To filth your hands with some guilty pleasure.

The thing you would for love...or obsession.

Emails

2005-02-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate chain emails that threaten you when you don't forward them?

More so, I hate mushy email forwards...about love...friendship...like I really need to read about it (like you really need to read this blog entry!).

I hate scary pictures sent on my email.

I hate scary pictures camouflaged on surveys or whatnots.

I hate spamming.

I hate you!

Hehe, joke! ;p~

The Week That Was...

2005-02-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

...isn't actually a good one!

I anticipated bad scores the moment my Tita Irene and Cuz Ryan arrives. I haven't been having serious study times and I am most of the time tired. I was actually multi-tasking--going to classes early, rushing my way home, helping my cousin with his pile of homeworks and making sure I bring my Tita somewhere interesting when I get home from school. When everyone has retired from a long day, I grab a cup of coffee and try to study. I've never finished my supposed readings for this week. I would be dozzing off at 12 midnight (y'know how envious you could get when everyone in the house has fallen asleep already and you're still wide awake?!) and then realize later on that I have overslept and that I only have 2 hours to prepare for my morning class.

I am a tired dog.

They have left already. But next week, my Dad will be coming back home. I get this feeling that whenever someone comes home from somewhere, I sacrifice my personal time to accommodate them. I wish I wouldn't ruin my study time next week. It's going to be really critical. And I can't afford to get anymore bad scores...

215 emails on my inbox.

I had to delete to many messages from my e-groups.

Hayyy...

I really feel bad about my Anatomy practical exam a while ago...

You think you know so much but you actually know nothing.

Dang.

On Hi's and Hello's

2005-01-31T01:12:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I don't like bumping into people into places. Definition of "people": persons from your past life who are not really very close to you. In short, just plain acquaintances. I don't like the idea just because I can't decide whether or not to greet that person. And I would really be glad if that person made the first move. Coz it's just not me...if y'know what I mean.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into "somebody's" sister at the mall. Luckily, she said hi first. And I appreciate it a lot not only because she made the first move but also because it was a very warm greeting. It's like hearing her say, "Come here, I could give you a hug". And just yesterday, "somebody" finally greeted me. We haven't been talking like adults since 3 years ago and I couldn't really figure out why. And I also appreciate the fact that he greeted me first. I have been subconsciously, intentionally (?) ignoring this person just because he wouldn't break the wall that has grown between us. We would find ourselves staring at each other and pretending to be looking far away. Or even sit next to each other but refuse to utter a single word. It is weird to even listen to him speak to me. I don't really mind. I have no issues or baggages with me. I just wish we could have exerted more effort to be friends again. Coz if I were okay with that person, I'd really love to say "Hi".

"Nabubulag ka na, hindi mo na ako nakikita"

Is It Just Me or Is It The Movie?

2005-01-31T00:08:00.000+08:00

oceans_twelve
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

Tonight, I took my Tita Irene and my Li'l Cuz Ryan to the cinema. Actually, I'm not really a big fan of the movies. I'd only drag myself to go if any of my favorite stars (wow...whatta "wussy" term huh!?) are in it. And yeah, I'd watch it even by myself. I've done it several times and have had bad experiences, if you would ask. So yeah, I will never enjoy the movies if I wasn't with my friends (or my Dad, the movie-natic) or if I didn't have a bucket of popcorn with me.

Basically, I didn't enjoy "Ocean's Twelve". That's a blant statement but I would rather not watch it if given a choice. What's up with the camera shots ala Blairwitch Project?! Made me dizzy. And I don't get it why sometimes the story would be fast forward and the next thing you know, it would be rewinding past events. Ryan commented, "Is this movie downloaded?" But you see, I'd rather keep up with these annoyances to give the movie a chance to reach its climax. And, just like probably everyone else, answer the question "Who's the twelfth?" (It's Catherine Zeta-Jones.) Unfortunately, the climax was shown in slow mo'. If there's one thing I really found funny about the movie is the idea of Julia Roberts pretending to be Julia Roberts! Haha! With the special participation of Bruce Willis as himself. That's got to be my favorite part in the movie. Haaayy...if it were not for my aunt (who really wanted to see it), for Brad Pitt (hottie!), the bucket of popcorn, the picturesque view of Italy and the chance of wearing my favorite green jacket inside the air conditioned theater, I wouldn't even bother check the film out. I am no movie critic. I am probably not just a big fan of "mind game" movies. Just my two cents worth.

Coffee Break!

2005-01-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

coffee bean
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

We found out that a cup of coffee is still good even without your notes and modules at hand.

My Bio friends and I went out last night to have a life apart from med school. We stocked our big bags and piles of handouts at Chris's trunk and headed for dinner and the theater. Charisse, Ajeng, Tinz and Rey were also with us. We ate together, talking about old and new acquaintances and or issues--in and out our havens. It's always nice to recall moments as if they took place yesterday. And realize how fast time flies. After the movie, unsure where to go next and coffee shop-hopping, we finally decided to drop by at Chicco's workplace where we knew we would be most welcome to hang out. The employees at DeliFrance were rude enough to put the chairs up and blast their sounds (so we couldn't hear each other out aymore) to shun us poor medical students looking for some moments to unwind. So there, the girls ended up having coffee and cake while chit chatting...with Erin taking the lion's share of the juiciest kwentos.

Rrrrah!

2005-01-29T02:52:00.000+08:00

mraz
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

I'm officially a MRAZanatic!

We've been playing Jason day in and day out at Grace's car, singing his songs sunset till sun dawn in boring lectures or while walking through the hallways...

and I think he looks like Simply Red. Hahaha!

Here's one.
TONIGHT, NOT AGAIN
The night.
She brushed her hands upon my flushed cheek
Smelled of childhood remnants of a dusty weeping willow
Clouds soothe, Shredded by the calico
Were oh so vast and quick as I was on my own now.

This time like every other time I believe that I never find
Another sweet little girl with sequined sea foam eyes
Ocean lapping voice smile coy as the brightest quiet span of sky
And I'm all alone again tonight not again, not again, not again.

And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely.

Still I'm unable to inhale all the riches
As I'm awkward as a wound on my bones
Still I've got cobblestone joints and plate glass points
As I'm all by myself tonight not again not again

And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely.

Well if you should nervously break down
When its time for the shakedown would you take it
It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you've made it
And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice.
Lovely.

Say it again. Lovely. So lovely. to do it again
Again. Loving again. It's coming again.
Lovely.

Annoyance 002

2005-01-29T02:20:00.000+08:00

1. FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS
-anything with hot coffee...

2. THE MOVIE I'VE WATCHED MOST NUMBER OF TIMES IS
-forrest gump

3. LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL
-right now, prev.med...

4. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY CAR IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
-i still like chevy venture

5. FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
-anything with water...i hate changing sheets

6. WHEN I WAS A KID I DREAMED OF BECOMING
-an astronaut

7. FAVORITE COLOR
-brown

8.FAVORITE PERFORMERS
-wally and jose! hehehe

9. WHEN I DIE, I'D RATHER BE CREMATED OR BURIED?
-cremated...may columbarium na kami 'no! hehe

10. IF I COULD REPEAT COLLEGE, I'D TAKE
-probably journalism or mass comm...but i wouldn't trade medicine for anything!

11. THREE THINGS I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?
-cash, mobile, bag

12. FIRST THING I WOULD BUY WITH MY FIRST SALARY
-food...dine out

14. IF A BOOK WAS MADE INTO A MOVIE, WOULD YOU STILL BOTHER TO READ THE BOOK?
-yeah...I've read Forrest Gump and it's way different from the movie

15. SPECIALTY IN COOKING?
-omelet hehe

16. PRESENT CRUSH?
-james

17. FAVORITE HANG-OUT?
-COP! coffee bean!

18. BEST PLACE TO SHOP?
-none in particular...anywhere with good finds!

19. FAVORITE PLACE IN YOUR HOUSE?
-CR

20. WHAT TIME IS IT?
-2:43 in the morning

21. WHAT KEY IN YOUR KEYBOARD DO YOU USUALLY PRESS?
-enter?

21. YAHOO OR HOTMAIL?
-yahoo

22. LEFT OR RIGHT?
-right

23. BLACK OR WHITE?
-black

24. BLACK OR BLUE PEN?
-black

25. SANDALS OR SHOES?
-either

26. COLGATE OR HAPPEE:
-colgate...oh man! this is getting boring...

27. FLOSS OR TOOTHPICK
-i have a hard time flossing...

28. CHOPSTICKS OR SPOON AND FORK?
-depends on what chunk you are eating

29. JOLLIBEE OR MCDO?
-mcdo, for caramel sundae...altho jollibee has more variety

30. COKE OR PEPSI?
-acckkk...i don't drink soda

31. SAN MIG LIGHT, LONE STAR LIGHT OR REDHORSE?
-i don't drink

32. HOPE OR CAMEL
-don't smoke

33. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
-my tita irene

34. LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU?
-ajeng

35. LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU LAUGH/SMILE?
-my cuz Ryan

36. LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY?
-no one

37. THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
-tonight

38. WHY DID YOU CRY?
-i had a freakin' headache and i couldn't get myself to sleep!

39. FAVORITE CHOCOLATE?
-it's official...Brown and Halley's Almond Roca

40. LAST PERSON YOU WERE WITH?
-tita irene

Annoyance 002

2005-01-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

Pambihira...tagal ko nang di nagse-survey ah! This one's from Er-er.

1.WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOiNG WHEN YOURE DEPRESSED?
-sleep! ugh, what better thing to do?!

2.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO NAME YOUR FUTURE CHILD?
-candace colleen and/or luis francisco

3.WHAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS?
-hmmm...not really nervous, but i worry when i unintentionally make people angry at me

4.WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
-a nice, mushy movie...(i know!) and sometimes, when i'm overwhelmed by emotions

5.WHAT'S YOUR MIDNIGHT SNACK?
-coffee coffee coffee <~~hooyah!!!

6.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGES?
-totally uncool

7.MOST MEANINGFUL AND MEMORABLE THING SAID TO YOU?
-i'm not good at taking these...

8.BEST GIFT (MATERIAL) YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?
-duh? cash!

9.SHOW THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH.
-eat bulaga!

10.YOUR WISH WHEN YOU LAST BLEW A BIRTHDAY CANDLE?
-i dont remember blowing a birthday candle on my last birthday...

11.CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS, WHAT DID YOU SEE?
-nothing

12.DO YOU LIKE BUYING BRANDED CLOTHES?
-yes...but not most of the time. i'd be happier to see how i can make the most out of my cash

13.DO YOU KNOW YOUR BESTFRIEND'S FRIENDSTER PASSWORD?
-yes...i did her account

14.DO YOU FOLLOW FASHION TRENDS?
-only when the trend reflects me

15.HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY?
-haha yes...pero papansin lang

16.HAVE YOU EVER LITERALLY BEEN A SHOULDER TO CRY ON?
-yes...and i'd gladly give my big bear hug (trademark)

17.HAVE YOU EVER INTENTIONALLY IGNORED SOMEONE? FOR HOW LONG?
-yes...until now (3 years?)

18.HAVE YOU EVER GONE ON A ROMANTIC DATE?
-haha...that's all

19.HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED A LOVE LETTER? WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME?
-yes...naiyak ako sa diri! puh-leaseeee!!!

20.HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN A LOVE LETTER? WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME?
-haha no way!

21.IF YOU COULD SPEND A WEEK ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
-Israel?

22.IF YOU WROTE A BOOK, WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?
-redemption

23.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PAST?
-i don't have a past to look back to bcoz the future is too wonderful to even bother look back

24.WHERE DO YOU USUALLY GO SHOPPING?
-rob place, greenhills

25.WHY DID YOU ANSWER THESE?
-stress reliever! (same thing, Er)

26.DO YOU SPEAK OTHER LANGUAGES?
-filipino, english and a little spanish (altho i really wish i could do better)

27.DO YOU THINK YOU LOOK GOOD?
-feel good, look good...that's the spirit! haha!

Okay...'nuff of this. I'm out to study (again)!

Ode to Loriepot

2005-01-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

004
Originally uploaded by dzaymee.

I know this is over due already but...

Thanks Lor-E for putting up with my cyberboboness and for helping me out in putting up this site!

Miss you E-gurls...see u on Saturday!

Blag!

2005-01-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

Wala lang. I didn't have a good start this morning but my day actually ended up well.

Last night, I was too tired and sleepy to study for my practical exam in Anatomy. (We were out on Sunday to go to church, to eat lunch out and then to go to the mall. I brought my cuz Ryan to Go Cart ride and fo' sho' he had a blast!) The very last thing I could remember was leaning down my study table while memorizing all the muscles' OIA (origin-insertion-action...and whatnots) and finally fell into a deep slumber. I left the lights on and woke up at 5:30 in the morning, wasted on the sofa. I decided to go to my room and continue sleeping since I didn't have an early class today. Not having a good decent sleep, my Mom served me a really sucky breakfast that I just had to guffle on (I didn't wanna offend her...but please don't ask me about it anymore). But alas! The winds changed when I got to school..

I am happy with my shifting exam score in Histology (which was given today) and I am satisfied with my practical exam score in Anatomy. I was scared to death of the thought that I might have a mental block with all the bulk of information that I had to remember! My friends and I went to study at a coffee shop (where my Ka-Bio Chicco works...yey! Free cake!) and I was almost gonna pass out with glucose overdose! Coffee and cake...sinful.

Nonetheless, I had a good day today. And so this is what the Bible means when God said that "The ending is better than its beginning". Hehe!

*****

My friend Dave is updating his blog. I'm so proud of him. Haha! Punk!

*****

I am not a big fan of groupies. Not a big fan of touchiness either. No connection there...just blurted it out. ;p~

Yellow Journalism

2005-01-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

I am pissed when people hyperbolize "how bad" the Philippines has gotten. The prevalance of kidnapping, snatching, poverty and all the nasty stuffs! People with such attitude make this place ugly. Why can't people learn to suck up emotions that aren't helping them to progress at all? And not be resigned to "fate"? It ain't too bad, for me. I believe that our country can get through hard times...just as the tsunami-stricken countries could. (How nationalistic can I get?) Bad times aren't bad at all. It opens many opportunities for learning and faith. The pressure determines your substance. And as the saying goes, "Walang maloloko kung walang magpapaloko". I wish people were wiser each day so they would have a better and more positive outlook in life each time they wake up in the morning...(somethin' wrong with my grammar?)

*****

I hate it when people say "I don't know". Isn't there a way for you to know?! And putting on the "pity" face makes it even worse. It's bad enough that you don't know.

*****

Anatomy and Neurology are my favorite sciences. I am saying this because I am really enjoying Doc Lok's lectures. His Neural Plasticity lec didn't sound like a Physio lec. I felt like coming to a Psychology class and/or Personality Development Seminar. ;p~ However I love Neurology, I still find it too hard.

*****

Finally, a song from Jason Mraz...

Sleeping to Dream

I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you

I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes

is another dream to ashes and they all fall down.

As I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes and what a beautiful sight

I'm sleeping to dream about you
I'm so damn tired of having to live without you

But I don't mind
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches

Your eyes, your lips, your hair

Well you were everywhere
But I woke up in the ditches

I hit the light and I thought you might be here
but you were nowhere

You were nowhere at home

As I lay me back to sleep
This love I pray that I can keep

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so damn tired of having to live without you

But I don't mind
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

It's just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night

Sleeping to dream about you
I'm so damn tired of having to live without you

But I don't mind
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

2005-01-19T04:25:00.000+08:00

I have just realized that they're not at all far from each other. Probably people who have been sleeping a lot are missing out on this beautiful fact. It could be a good cure for impatience. For people who are hopelessly waiting.

*****

My Tita Irene (with my cousin Ryan) arrived the other day. She came back to the 'Pines after, what, more than 10 years already. It's my cuz's first time. He's liking it so far. But he must be getting bored sometimes coz he's got no one to play with (but me). Today, we played...ugh, some card game (can't actually remember how it's called haha) and I beat him on my first try. He sucked. I asked him if he wanted to go to Avilon Zoo and he said, "you have a zoo in this country?" Hehe!

*****

I didn't come to my morning class. I didn't get any sleep since the guests have come and only got to do so a few hours before coming to my afternoon class. I had fun with Dr. Lokin's lecture on Spinal Reflexes! Also today (or errr, yesterday), I saw the most adorable pair of zygomatic bones! That's good enough to make my day...even without my caffeine dose.

*****

Ugh!!! Keane is killing me! Their music is bee-yoo-tee-fool!!! Thanks Jerb! I got a handful of new CDs from my ugliest brother...haha!

*****

My tita just got down to get some chow. She and Mom just finished talking. Wala lang. Now, Mom's here. It's another "tomorrow" coming to life...*sigh*

*****

Ain't it ironic...? To utter a cuss word right after making the sign of the cross or touching the crucifix. Impatience doesn't go with religiosity.

Annoyance 001

2005-01-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

1. How are you today ?
- good...5 shifting exams down...2 more next week!

2. How was school?
- I don't really care about the stress...as long as I get out of the place at the end of the day!

3. How do you feel right now?
- really sleepy...

4. What are you planning to do later?
- sleep...duh?

5. What did you eat for lunch?
- some boring chicken teriyaki from Cafe Dapit (sorry Charry and Pat, I alway make bad choices!)...don't serve me with chicken breast, puh-lease?!

6. What did you drink?
- iced tea worth (would u believe?) Php 5.oo

7. What's the most "thing" that you want it to happen? right now or sooner?
- I don't understand your grammar

8. What are you listening to right now?
- the noise of the fan...

9. What do you want to do right now besides chatting?
- I don't feel like chatting at the mo'...I'm sooo sleepy, leave me alone!

10. What's the most memorable memory in your life?
- memorable memory?! can u repeat again?!

11. Who are you thinking of right now?
- James...wondering how his exams went (anu ba 'to?!)

12. Who's your gf/bf?
- Ha?! Eh di si James!! Mwahahaha...

13. Who's your crush?
- James! *perky mode* ayan, gising na ko...

14. Who's next to you right now?
- no one

15. Who made you laugh today?
- "erik santos"

16. Who made you mad today?
- ugh...no one?

17. Who made you feel special today?
- no one...boohoohoo!!

18. Who did you receive emails from?
- a lot of people...fans (joke)

19. Did anything bad happened today?
- not to me...

20. Did anything good happened today?
- but obkors! Each day is a blessing 'ika nga ni Lor-E! Today, I had glazed donuts and some iced milk! Is this The Life or what?!

21. Do you want something to happen right now?
- yes...zzz....ngorkkk

22. Do you want to hug someone right now?
- *mushy*

23. Do you want to kiss someone right now?
- ho-hum...

24. Have you ever lied to your loved one by saying i love u..?
- no, that's silly...

25. Have you ever had a crush on a guy/girl for 1,2,3,4 or more years before?
- Haha yes!

26. Have you ever kept your feelings about something or someone even from your bestfriend?
- but obkors!

27. Have you ever been to a party without parents?
- yes

28. Have you ever told your crush you like him/her?
- no...why would i?! (Thank you!!! Hahahaha!! Sounds familiar? *wink*)

29. Have you ever felt that you'd rather die, than see the people you love suffer?
- no...hehe

30. Are you happy with who you are now?
- I am happy...but of course, no one wants to settle for anything less. I am still being perfected and I am waiting for that moment (when Jesus comes).

Friendster Survey

2005-01-10T02:20:00.000+08:00

Friendster has a new look. I don't like it. It doesn't look as fun as it used to anymore.

And I was thinking...probably I'd stop annoying people with my surveys on the bulletin board. After all, I feel sorry for those people who have to scroll through the pages only to find spammers with sucky surveys to post...probably like mine. Heehee. This is the official farewell of The Survey Queen...only to Friendster! Hehe. Welcome me, Eblogger!! This is my own space anyway. I can spill out my two cents worth for all I care! Keep it or trash it. If you choose to trash it, then leave! I know you'll be back soon. Mwahahaha!!! *evil*

Sleep Deprivation Syndrome

2005-01-09T03:03:00.000+08:00

I never thought there was such a thing. Until I had it myself.

Today, I just had my very first ECG experience. My Mom was worried about my frequent "light headedness". Akala nya siguro, tumitira na ako. Hehe. It's still kinda bearable though, but she wanted to make sure I don't get her high cholesterol level and my Dad's hypertension. So that was the doctor's assessment.

They were blaming it on my caffeine overdose. He actually wanted me to give up my addiction. Decaf na nga, diluted coffee pa! I even had to listen to his "study tips" and it almost made me puke...oo na, freshman na nga--don't rub it in! Pambihira. For a moment, I visualized the doctor as a monster trying to steal my cup of coffee. No way!

Anyway, he gave me prescription for sleep inducing tabs. I'm kinda scared to take them. Mahirap na nga ako gisingin, baka lalo pa kong di magising! I'd probably opt to drink some choco drink before I take the tabs. Perhaps Serotonin works. I'm abusing my body, actually. After caffeine has done its job of keeping me up (so I could study even after a very exhausting day), I'd take in Serotonin to keep me down naman.

As he said, hindi parang on and off switch ang katawan ng tao. True. I can't help but drink coffee and stay up late till wee hours of the morning, so I'd probably just get quality sleep whenever I can. Even in boring lectures? ;p~

He is positive though that I'll get over this anyway. What makes first year in medicine stressful is the student's own fears and expectations for himself. Who would want to fail on his/her first year? No one. That is the reason why there are more than 400 first year medical students who are working their sorry butts out to get good grades. It's not only my syndrome. It could also be yours.

Top 25 Reasons to Thank God for the Year 2004

2004-12-31T13:02:00.000+08:00

For an ultimately angas prof in college--whom I had a crush on!
For a devastating trekking experience in Mt. Makiling
For overcoming my fear of heights (I still get scared though--a few more exposures and I'll probably get through it)
For a long walk in the rain--which was fun, actually!
For an exciting boat ride in Batangas
For a good view of what's under the sea (I never imagined it was THAT bee-yoo-tee-fool!)
For a scar on my right knee (courtesy of a hard red coral) which will a;ways remind me of my very first snorkeling experience
For my first batis and tent experiences I shared with my college friends during our Ecology Exposure Trip
For graduating from BS Biology with utmost fulfillment
For Keng, Hannah, Tinz, Ajeng and Cares--my good college friends
For Youth Short Term Bible College during my summer break
For my E-girlfriends (Vick-E, Lor-E and Kat-E) in church
For my challenging Puppet Ministry
For my adorable kids in Children's Church
For learning to say "no" when my mind is in doubt and I am half-hearted about doing something
For the grace that helps me know and prioritize my priorities
For making it to University of Santo Tomas Faculty of Medicine and Surgery (boon or bane?)
For all the good people I've met, and still will be meeting, who'd help me cope up with the stress and struggles in med
For my new gimik buddies (formerly Ka-Bios)--Hannah, Er, Abi, Chris, Gina and Sixto (sama na si Chicco)
For my 10-hour Anatomy Class every week--cadaver dissection, Dra. Apepe, drawing and shading...I always have a blast! (rrright...)
For a totally cool subsec--and all the birthday eating sessions we've had!
For a well-mixed Cafe au Lait at the corridor vendo in school and all the priceless coffee moments I've had
For bringing my Bamboo back into the local music industry
For my Jars of Clay: Furthermore double-CD album (thanks to Jerb!)--a certified collector's item!
For James, whose zygomatic bones enchant me day by day...*sigh*

...and the list goes on forever! Thank you Lord for the mercy that sustains me each day, for the grace that makes me whole, for the provision that completes me, for the goodness that always bring me to my knees, for redemption & salvation (my greatest possessions), for the many people who loves me and I love, for the love that makes me a more beautiful person day after day and for the glory that is set before me! Props to You! I will forever be Your doulos...

TATA, my Lolo

2004-12-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

I’m not sure of how old my grandfather is but I know that he is over 70 years already. He is of the dark chocolate species (layo ng kulay namin) and a bald headed guy who frequents the barbershop at least twice (or maybe thrice) a week to have his beard trimmed and have his back massaged. He loves McDonald’s (he should’ve been in Morgan Spurlock’s “Super Size Me” documentary) and would eat Burger McDo for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He used to buy a lot of bread and sometimes I’d think that he fancies going to bakeshops because he used to work in one when he was a young man wooing my chinita, tisay grandmother in the province of Ilocos Norte. (They actually have a very interesting love story, if you would ask me.) Everytime my lola goes to the grocery, she always buys lolo a bag of chocolates or a gallon of ice cream. When I was young, I used to sleep over their house and I’ve learned that you can eat ripe mangoes with rice from him. I hated every time he would call me to scratch his back and prick his bungang araw. It always left my nails soiled.

He’s a pretty diligent man who worked his way so hard to get out of poverty. Since we were young, we were convinced that we had a rich lolo. I would readily believe so because he’s the one who gives me my allowance from elementary until now (post-grad). Most of the time, when my Mom (or even my titas) runs out of cash, she still comes to her father for financial help. But being the Ilocano that he is, there are no traces of luxury in my lolo. His only extravagance would be going to the States to buy his shoes, chocolates (you will ALWAYS find Baby Ruth, Twix and Butter Finger in his fridge), coffee and creamer, and of course, going to McDonald’s and to the barber shop everyday.

Anyone would probably hate my lolo for being the ultimate killjoy. He is the strictest, sternest and toughest disciplinarian I know. I am scared to come home late because he will surely reprimand my mom for allowing me to do so. And of course, he won’t stop interrogating you about where you were, who were you with, what were you doing and all the other details he could possibly pinpoint to conclude that you were in bad company. I remember we had a plan just to lie about my brother going to the prom…all because my lolo never understood what a prom is and what in the world it is for. All he knows is that anytime beyond 6pm, bad people might mess with you or you are probably messing around yourself.

You may love him or hate him for being sooo kulit. I swear, matutuyuan ka! My lola gets irritated everytime she stops lolo from teasing strangers who just pass by our street. He calls everyone bakla or tomboy. Everytime he gets stuck in an argument, he simply finds his way out by saying “…kanya nga (kaya nga)”. The very last ridiculous thing he has done was to lock our gate while he was inside and then used a chair to get out of our house! Every night, he calls on the phone with his usual lines, “Asan Mommy mo? Asan si KL? Asan ka? Asan yung katulong? Mag-trangka kayo mabuti dyan…Wag kayong magbubukas kung may mag-kakatok”. Saying “andito lang” and “oo” everytime he pauses is already in my system.

Just recently, he was confined for almost a week due to hematuria. He has been operated twice because of abdominal hernia already. On his supposedly last day in the hospital, I was left alone to watch over him. He was very excited to get out of the hospital. He stood by the window and looked outside…probably planning his next visit to McDonald’s or to his barbero. I watched as he lavishly feasted on all the food we brought for him (he even asked for my leftover!) since he was on dextrose for five straight days. A few hours after eating, he was chilling. I immediately asked for the nurses’ assistance. They brought 2 blankets and a bulb light to warm him. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around him. I hugged him as I watch his cheeks and his mouth shiver. Apparently, na-impatso. The next day, he felt better and went home. That was the only moment I ever showed my concern for him.

My lolo may be imperfect and irrational most of the time. But I love him. When he was younger, I was scared of him because he was a hot-headed monster who would pick a fight with anyone at anytime his button was pushed. But now that he is old, he has shown a really different side of him. And I’m starting to appreciate him for who he is in our lives. He perks me up just by being the makulit that he is. My day wouldn’t be complete without his pangungulit. His humor is effortless…because he is unaware of it. I wouldn’t mind giving him my bear hug the next time he has a chill.

Somebody Take Me to Disneyland!!

2004-12-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

Hooyah! Been writing a lot of non-sense this day huh!

So yeah...I've finally accomplished my goal for this year and that is to repaint the house! Now that I've done that in my first week of Christmas break, I'm really feeling very lazy to do anything else! Like fix my dresser, dump old clothes, fix all the pictures I set aside since summer break, organize my planner, read med books in advance, read TD Jakes' books, yadah yadah yadah! Hay! Naiisip ko pa lang, pagod na ko! Hehe.

Going back to my real topic (hehe this so reminds me of Vick-E), I've been watching a lot of Discovery Travel and Adventure these days--in the morning when I get up, while eating lunch, after siesta and before I go to sleep! Not only once did I get to see them feature Disney places. I've only been to Disneyland in Los Angeles, California. The ones that I really adore are in Tokyo and in Florida. Whoa...Disneyland brings out the child in me! If I was still a kid, I'd probably be hyperventilating and even pass out with so much excitement when I get there! Haha. They make adorable teeny weeny figures out of chocolate and gingerbread in Florida. Japan's Disney has different themes (the sea adventure would have to be my favorite!) and it makes you feel like you're going through different worlds. It's really amazing! And of course, Disney's specialty--parades! They have all characters dressed very similar to the ones you see on cartoon, greeting the crowd from their fabulous floats as the enchanting music plays--leaving both kids and adults star struck. (Tarzan is a hottie!) Even watching the mascots dance to the music is a sure eye candy to any kid. As if these aren't enough, the whole production ends with a breathtaking fireworks display.

Somebody take me to Disneyland!!! *whine*

On Blogs

2004-12-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

This is only my second blog site. The first one was Xanga. Blogspot looks more sophisticated. So I abandoned Xanga. I am surprised to know that people actually take time to read my entries. Wow. Now I feel important. *lol*

I just visited Marge's blogsite. I so envy her. Being the cyberbobo that I am, I wish I had more knowledge on how to manipulate the system...HTML and all that. I could hardly post a pic on my blogsite. Kasi naman si Lor-E walang tyagang turuan ako! Hehe, nanumbat! ;p~ I actually want to do a lot more thing...but that entails a lot of learning from the gurus. And neither I or the so-called gurus have the drive and time to do so. Hence, I'd have to do with this...

This is so funny. When I was young, I hated diaries because either my Dad or my brother would read my writings. Now, I'm writing (errr typing) my thoughts for everyone to read. *blush* I'm really not a spotlight person...

Bamboozled!

2004-12-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

Mom and I attended Candlelight Communion last night (Man, the service rocks!). On our way home, we passed by some girls having fun at the videoke. And that time, the girl was singing RiverMaya's "214". The nuuuurve!!! Wala shang karapatan! Don't really care that she didn't carry the tunes well enough, but puh-lease...it's BAMBOO's song, for heaven's sake! Haha, possessive!

Yes, I'm a self-confessed Bamboo fanatic. Probably, I was. In my puberty (and maybe in my subconscious until now), I dreamed of marrying a rock star. I am comforted to know that my friend Pat also went through this stage in her life. Haha! Actually, hanggang ngayon ata pangarap nya yun. (Since I met James, naisip ko, okay na rin siguro doktor mapangasawa...basta si James ha! Hehehe!) I know, we all refer to "The Rockstar" with the image of druggies, alcoholics and players. Heck, who cares?! *lol*

Anyway, I still have high regards for the man I was referring to. He still amazes me until now. But not completely anymore. After all, he's married...so leave him alone, wusses! Haha!

X's: Wut up with Luke Mejares reviving 214? He made it sound too R&B. Has songwriter Rico Blanco finally unveiled the true meaning of 214?

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

Another boring, sad Christmas for me. I miss my Dad. I miss my brother Jerb.

Two years ago...that was the very last time our whole family spent Christmas together. Perhaps the most memorable one for me. Dad cooked steak (You see, he's a chef but he seldom cooks for us.) and we had white wine. Christmas Day for our family is also Jerb's birthday. That time, he came home late because he probably went on a date with his girlfriend Terri. Dad and I went to church for Candlelight Communion (my very first time). And Mom, with KL st home, prepared our food. I could still remember every detail, everything that took place that night.

Now that Jerb and Daddy's abroad, Christmases have been boring. I never liked singing Christmas songs anymore. I don't look forward to opening of Christmas gifts any longer. For me, the highlight of Christmas is gone...two years ago.

I wish no Filipino would ever had to go abroad to work. I am anti-migration. You can tell why.

Am I Bad?

2004-12-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

Tingin ko sa mga maiitim ay cadaver. Gusto ko silang i-dissect. =)

blueeyedaave

2004-12-21T19:43:00.000+08:00

Takatakataktakatak. When boredom bites, it kills. Nobody seems to be talking sense inside the chatroom. It has been a long afternoon. My eyes start to swell out of their orbits, giving me a bad headache. I stare blankly at the screen as it stares right back at me.

This was the scenario when I first met Dave, as far as I can remember. Aside from that, I could hardly recall any other details—like what year it was or how our first conversation went. He was most likely one of the random people anybody would pick to message. Two things brought us together: First, our belief. Second, our inkling to poetry and writing. As years passed, I’ve found that there are more than just 2 reasons to consider him my “online bestfriend”. This is a story of the many beautiful “chance meetings”, or should I say “friendships by chance”, that God had made possible.

To start with, I was at first amazed at how Dave wrote his poems. I grew up in church and have met so many Christians at my age but have never encountered someone as honest, sincere and true as he was. I look at other Christians and see only what’s pleasant in their lives. When I met Dave, he gave me a realization…that Christians aren’t perfect people. That both the belivers and the non-believers have battles inside of them. And that they are hurt just the same. We talked almost everyday…for hours…about God, life and anything else that comes across. The more we talked, the more I appreciate my relationship with God. And whoever said that friendship is God’s way of loving us through someone has wisdom. Dave is not unattractive at all, but if there’s something I truly adore about him more than his bright blue eyes, it’s his passion—for God, above all else, for writing, for politics (haha)… He sends me his writings and asks me to read them or even check his spelling or grammar (I forgive him, he’s American…hehe! I’m kidding. This is too ironic.). And to each and every time, he never fails to amuse me with his wisdom. I am a happier Christian because of brothers like him.

We agree in almost everything. (Among other things, we both use Gap Colognes—So Pink and So Blue!) We more or less have the same attitude in dealing with people. We’re both shy people. Hahaha!! And if ever we would meet up one day, no one would be talking (that’s according to him). Sometimes, I’d think that he was a male version of me. It’s freaky how we have our usual conversations and think, omg, I was just about to type those words! It is even surprising to me how he picks up Filipino jokes and I’d think that sometimes, he also has an inherent Pinoy humor within him. He’s the only person I play dots & lines (I never thought it was fun until he introduced it to me.) and scribbles with online. One time, we were playing dots & lines and we’ve both lost track who’s turn it was already. We drew a line at the very same spot at the very same time! I think it was hilarious! How could someone from the other side of the globe have the same mind frequency as I do?! We’re East and West. We’re PM and AM. According to him, if ever we end up together (which probably would be a very sad thing to happen! Haha!), we’d mix our genes our well (I agree!) by having kids with chinky blue eyes! (I dunno if he still remembers this but I think it was very funny.) He likes Prophetic books of the Bible (Jeremiah, Revelation), I like the Historical ones (Genesis, Exodus—he thinks they’re boring! Wait till you get into Numbers, punk!). I remember, in one of the new years we had, we planned of reading the whole Bible together (starting in Job!) and would update each other’s devotions regularly through email. It did happen…only for 2 or 3 chapters. He said if ever I’d want to be an American citizen, I could come and marry him, have children, divorce and then have separate lives. Haha, what an idea eh?!
Dave, if ever you still want to continue with our Bible marathon, I still have my devotional notes I could share with you. If ever you wanna play dots & lines again, or draw pictures of stick figures, I’d be glad to play silly with you again. If ever you have new writings you want me to check out (I printed one of your works, remember!), I’ll take time to read it for you (promise). Even if it takes me forever to reply to your emails, I want you to know that I value your writings and I still believe that you are one great writer (You should write poems again, dude). And that God is pleased to have given you this talent. If ever you still want to put up a devotional site, I don’t think I’d have enough time to maintain it (Haha!). If you still think Friendster is irrelevant, just make me a testimonial and then forget about your account for eternity! Heehee. I know you are working and studying hard these days but fo’ sho’ (ooh how ghetto! Haha!), everything will be worth it in Jesus’ perfect time. The missionary doctor is still waiting for her missionary nurse. *wink* We’re gonna be a team, punk! We be spreadin’ the love and the Good News, in Jah’s name! Haha! I regret that we only got a phone call when I went to the States but I am looking forward to seeing you in our trip to Israel someday (or here in the islands…btw, it’s an archipelago!). Or maybe in the woods, in your place. Haha! Don’t forget, you owe me a treat to Taco Bell and you still have to teach me more Spanish, mi amigo! (You should learn Tagalog too) If ever you need somebody to vent your thoughts to or somebody to listen to (so you won’t have to download porn from Kazaa! Bleh!), you know muy_coffeenatico is just around the corner. I will be your punk friend till Jesus comes. (Forget about the anniversary, I don’t even know what year I met you! But it has been more or less 5 years of buzzing and punking with you, dude!) Here’s to you and me…cheers! *Mwahugs* Miss you terribly! =S

For The Past That's Haunting

2004-12-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

I turn. You stare.
I see right through you. You pierce my skin.
I get lost for a while...until the music fades.
I shake my head, I rub my eyes.
I turn my head and look away.
It ain't no longer as beautiful a sight as it was,
There are no rhymes,
It makes no sense.
Coz what you are and what I am now
Are nightmares of monsters
Nystagmus and Vertigo.
I may be dumb, you may be too.
We played each other...we were fools.
Feelings, we treated like scratches of paper.
You crumpled me, I threw you away.
You turn your back, I ran after you.
I stabbed your back...You made me bleed.
The more I whip you, the more I'm hurting.
We're pleased to see each other's tears,
Each other's miseries.
You rip off the pages, I drop the jar.
Ruins before our eyes.
Tears flow. Blood flow. Lymph...Sera...
Dehydrated. No more.
Let's leave it at that. Let's leave it in ruins.
Don't come my way no more
So we won't be pretending.
We're not okay. We aren't kids.
You know I hate you. I know you have moved on.
I gave me away and I'm dying to live again.

Break!!

2004-12-19T01:39:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Finally! I can forget about med school even for two weeks.

I slept well last night and woke up with a good, hearty brunch from Mom. Went to the mall to buy my gift for Chocolate Lustre (hehe) and to check out mobile phones. I want a new phone. But I don't want to ask from Mom. I promise I'd get one next year!

Then I went to Children's Church. We were conceptualizing a presentation for Christmas. Boy, we need workshop in script writing! Haha! It's easy to present something "entertaining" but that's not the point. We're here for the ministry. And the seed that we would be leaving to the kids is without measure. Without the birth of Jesus, we wouldn't be able to enjoy all these things for Christmas.

I'm sooper mean to X today!! I swear. I dunno what got into me. I'm just extra b*tchy to him today. The moment I saw him and he saw me, I was automatically on "mean mode". And I gave him the sharpest irap he ever got in his entire life!! Haha! Ewan. I mean, I don't have any more issues with him. It may be the hormones...these days. It just made me happy that I did that to him...even twice. Harhar. Coz it's not nice when he does it to me. Sometimes, it's redeeming to do so. Guys need to learn their lesson too!

Haaayy...I've been hearing the same stories from different people today. Y'know...mean bosses/colleagues who think less of you just bcoz you're younger and your degree doesn't exactly fit your current job...guys who manipulate girls and could easily get away with it. You only remember me when you're lonely. Okay, in fairness to him, he was also around when things were up. But probably 75% of the moments you talked were during the lowest times of his life. He values your role in his life but after you have done your part, you're trash. It's a sad reality. It's a sad world out there. Not everything's fair.

Got home from a Christmas get-together with my college friends. I wonder how many more years we will be doing this. This is the first Christmas apart from Bio people. We ate dinner and then hopped into some other place to drink tea. We wanted to have coffee...but coffee without aything to study? Boring. So just skip it and try to detox while we're on break. A med student not into caffeine dose is an irony.

I was worried when I got home. Coz as usual, Mom was waiting. She never scolded me anymore about coming home late. I try to inform her of all my lakads. I don't want to be a big fat liar anymore. I don't want to win my mom's trust out of lie. I still don't get why my friends could stay out late and I can't. But I don't rebel. I honor my parents...and I could impose my side without disregarding the authority they have over me. I'm a good daughter...I swear I am. ;p~ When I got home, I saw the slices of fruits that were prepared for me. I could imagine my Mom eating dinner alone...and worried about my coming home. I immediately feel guilty. The more when she told me "Dadalawa na nga lang tayong nagdi-dinner, iniiwan mo pa ako". I dunno. I still don't understand this kind of set-up we have at home. But I don't feel good when I disobey. KL woke up a few hours when I got home and he went down to kiss me goodnight. Everyone loves my presence here in this home. Haha!

Oh! We passed by Xaymaca on our way home. Wow. I wanted to check out the place. I heard it's a reggae bar. I know of only a few number of people who are into reggae. I'm one of these few.

I know. This blog is scattered. Pardon me.

dzaymee

My Dirty Little Secret

Mary, Mary...Quite Contrary!

Para Sa Lahat Ng Mga Taksi Drayber

Happiness Is...

We Smiled

Stand in the Rain

Move Over Havaianas!

Well, Hello! It's A Long Weekend!

Superchic[K]

I Wish Your Happiness is Worth My Misery

Leche!

The Emo Glasses

Woohoo!

Hallelujah!

So What's The Announcement?

The Weekend We All Have Been Waiting For

Up Late Update

Put'Ya Hands Together

Jiro, I Will Miss You Forever

On Friends and Sacrifices

Sembreak...Ho-hum's...

Why I'd Love To Be Jean Grey

Smile Like You Mean It

Banas!

Pictures!

I Know...

Random Ramblings

Tex-textan na lang...

Septembah to Remembah!

Let's Call It A Day, Okay!

Umutot Ka 'No?!

Keeping My Sanity

Hohum...

Stained Glass Window

*Panting*

Alert! Alert!

Can I Just Say...?

What About Today?

Ang Toxic Ko...

Interesting...

NYC!!!

*Sigh*

80's Kid! Represent!

Veggie Tales Day @ COP

Subdural Hematoma

Tuleee!!

Say What?!

Blog Fad

Skeet Ulrich

Love The World

Espresso

On Moving On

OK NA (milk and money)

Doctor, Doctor, I am Sick!

M.D.-wannabe

Volleyball

Useless Ranting

Brotherhood Appreciated

Jars of Encouragement

Summer...At Last!!

grace, pat, moi

pat & moi

bamboo

Itchy Poet

Gusto Kong Maging Doktor Dahil...

Finally...

Jars of Experience

My Simple Joys in Life

Jars of Excitement

One of my Dreams is Coming True (Or Why I Love Jars of Clay So Much)

gayuma night

gayuma

Jars of Clay: Show You Love

Toxicity

Nenok

Emails

The Week That Was...

On Hi's and Hello's

Is It Just Me or Is It The Movie?

Panting

Sigh